Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari-The fleeting light I found that day
by Shion-Ai Misaki
Summary: Keiji Akaashi is living on the streets of Tokyo. As he thinks about his past and how he ended up on the streets, a young man crosses his path one day. Akaashi would have never thought that that meeting was fated and would change his life completely. How will the relationship to that strange young man named Koutarou Bokuto evolve? Will it last? And if yes, for how long?
1. 1 - Cold snow

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 1 – Cold snow

It was cold.

I looked up to the sky and the snow kept on falling. Despite it being only November, there was already a great amount of snow lying on the ground, piling up on the trees, on the cars and also on the passing-by umbrellas that countless people were carrying to not get under the snow. As I remained seated on a bench and was observing people, I asked myself why they wouldn't want the snow to touch them. The snow was perfectly cold, which was a nice contrast to one's body's warmth and showed one was alive. It showed me that I was indeed alive, even though my heart felt as cold as ice. But even then, I was living. I, Keiji Akaashi, was alive, living my life, here on the cold streets of Tokyo. Left all alone.

I continued observing the people; there wasn't that much else to do while I was waiting to go and pick up my daily food portion at the voluntarily run store that provided food and drinks to people that couldn't afford it for themselves, homeless people, people like me.

There were a lot of different people walking around. It might have already been very cold and snowing heavily, but the streets of Tokyo were as lively as always, nonetheless. You could see the typical businessmen that were on their ways back home. You could see young people and teenagers walking around, having fun in the snow or carrying shopping bags from various shops, already the next destinations kept in mind and headed towards those directions. You could see mothers that were both, returning and on their way to do groceries shopping so that they could cook dinner for their loved ones at home.

I gazed skywards again and the snow didn't seem to stop anytime soon. I decided to stand up and started walking towards my destination. And while walking alongside all those people in the crowd, I felt somehow as if I was a part of them. As if there was no difference between the guy in front of me holding the hand of his girlfriend and me. As if I was the same as that child holding its mother's hand while eating some sweets. But my hands were in the pockets of my coat, I wasn't allowed to hold anyone's hand.

Slowly but steadily, I reached the store. As always, there was a big crowd of people already waiting in front of the entry but it still wasn't open. I decided to join the crowd, it made me feel like I was a part of them, even though I knew better. I already recognized some of the people; they were always the same ones that came here. But it's not like I could call them "acquaintances", or even "friends", they were just people that happened to be at the same time at the same place as me and that scene just kept on repeating itself, with neither side of the actors taking a single step to change something. But it was okay, that was how it worked in this world, that was what I grew accustomed to.

As soon as the store opened, the same procedure began as it always did. The people in the chaotic crowd lined up into a row, one behind the other and then slowly started entering the store. I joined the row and moved forward together with the rest. One step after another. When I entered, I felt the warmth from this place, it was a very nice feeling too, and it was a contrast to the cold street.

The store was owned by a couple and some employees. At least that was what I assumed, I never had any reason to ask them, but it seemed like that. The couple was always working in the front, distributing everything to people like us. The other employees were working in the kitchen, cooking the food. I was standing in front of them when one of them asked me if I'd prefer meat or fish.

"Fish please." I said silently.

"Alright then. Suga, one with fish please." he said.

"Got it Daichi. Oh wait, there's none here anymore. Heeeey, Asahiiii, we need more fish" said the other one and yelled to the back, into the kitchen.

"Almost done." a voice coming from the kitchen said.

"Sorry that you have to wait." the first guy said to me.

"It's okay." I whispered.

After some seconds and a little discussion about how the other two let me wait for that long he turned back to me.

"Here's your meal. Enjoy and thanks for coming!" he said as he bowed down.

"Thank you very much." I said as I bowed down. Sometimes, I didn't understand why he bowed down as well, but I guessed it was part of his personality. They all seemed like nice people. With the meal, I now headed outside again and slowly walked back to where I was sitting before.

As soon as I had arrived there, I took the meal out of the box, put it on my lap, thanked for the food like I had always done with my mother back in the days and then started eating. The first bite was already as delicious as ever; I really liked to go there and eat the food from there. It didn't only taste delicious, it somehow warmed my body as well. Every time I ate something from there, this cosy warmth filled my body; it was a nice feeling, even nicer when it was cold and snowing. As I kept on eating, I thought back to the daily meals I enjoyed with my mother, I really liked them, but I knew it was pointless to keep thinking about those days; they were gone and they wouldn't return.

"Thanks for the food." I said to myself as I put my hands together. I tossed the empty box into the trash bin and focused my eyes on the street again. It was already getting dark but the streets were still as busy as before. Suddenly, a person walked out of the crowd and stopped on the left side of the bench I was sitting on. And after an instant, he opened the violin case he was carrying and started playing a song.

I loved violins; I used to play it as well. His playing reminded me of myself, how I used to go out on the streets and play for joy; I played it to make the people hearing the music happy; I didn't do it for the money. I wanted to have my violin back, but my violin had to be sold, when we needed the money.

I continued listening to the man playing the violin. I didn't know the song he was playing, but one thing I knew. I really liked the song he was playing. One person after another stepped out of the crowd and stopped in front of the violinist to listen to the songs he was playing. And some of them threw some coins into the hat he had laid down on the ground in front of him. He continued playing for almost half an hour and then looked down to his hat. I guessed he was happy with the amount of money he earned on that evening because after that he lifted his hat, put away his violin and left.

Now it was only me and the silence again. I closed my eyes. There was no reason for it, I just felt like it. After some minutes, I heard a voice.

"'Scuse me, can I sit next to you on the bench?" he asked me with a smile.

"Sure." I said silently. It wasn't my property anyway, there was no reason to neglect his wish.

"Thanks!" and after that he sat down next to me. I hoped he didn't intend to talk to me so I closed the eyes again. It seemed that he only wanted to sit down. After a while, I opened my eyes again and squinted at him. He had his eyes closed too. The first thing my eyes caught attention of was his hair. He had white spiked hair with black strands, he wasn't wearing any hat. And then, well, he was wearing normal winter clothing. A long coat, a scarf, a pair of boots. I didn't really know why I was inspecting him, but I didn't have anything else to do.

He looked like a nice person, someone with lots of friends and people would like to be around him. He had the looks of a person that was never alone and that could get what he wanted. He was good-looking too, I felt somehow jealous comparing his life to my current one, although I didn't know if my imagined version of his world would correspond to his actual world. I kept looking at him lost in thoughts as he suddenly opened his eyes again and noticed my staring, whereupon I quickly turned my head back and avoided his eyes.

"It's really cold already, huh?" he seemed to want to have a talk.

"Yeah, it's snowing after all." I replied, still not looking at him.

"Right, I guess that's true, haha." he stopped for a moment. He pointed his head skywards, leaned back on the bench, opened his mouth and pulled out his tongue. What on earth was he doing? He was making some weird noises while moving around his tongue. After a while he noticed my confused expression.

"I am catching snowflakes with my tongue, you should try it too, it's a funny feeling when they melt on top of your tongue." he said. I still didn't want to try it.

"I'd rather not." I replied.

"Come on, life's too short to skip on precious experiences like this. Who knows when it'll snow again and if you can try it again?" and with that he continued his activity. "Life's too short…" huh? I admired him for being aware of that and still being such a positive person; I envied him. I knew all too well that life was short, but that was the very reason I stopped thinking positive. Sure, a lot of things had happened to me, but there was a part of me that didn't want to accept it, even though it was inevitable. One human's life is short and meaningless.

"Ahhh, that was cool. Nice experience!" the slightly odd guy said after some minutes. He truly was a very strange, yet interesting person. Suddenly, he exhaled some of his breath at once.

"Oh my, I can see my breath, it really _is_ cold. And late. I guess it's time to head home already, don't you agree?" he said as he jumped up off the bench. What an energetic guy.

"Sure. Goodbye then." I said to him while leaning back on the bench.

"Don't you wanna get home too?" he asked curiously.

"I don't have a home." I had no reason to lie to him. He was a stranger I changed some words with, I wouldn't meet him again.

"Oh. I… understand." He looked down. A normal reaction which I was already used to. The next step would be that he slowly walked away without saying anything. I closed my eyes again, I wanted to stay on the bench for a while. But something, or rather someone thought otherwise.

"Here!" I opened my eyes and the guy who was supposed to be walking away silently stood in front of me with a big smile on his face, stretching out his hand in front of me, holding a 1000 yen bill.

"Huh?" was my reaction.

"For you! Take it and buy something warm from it, okay?"

"I can't just take money from strangers and-"

"Don't think too much about it. Take it as a thanks of mine for keeping me company, 'kay?" he pushed the bill into my hands and then quickly turned back and started walking away.

"'Kay, see yaaaa!" were his last words, before he disappeared into the crowd where he came from. He really _is_ a very strange person, giving that much money to a stranger, let alone a homeless person. Of course, I was grateful to him, I just didn't expect him to do that kind of thing. I put the bill in the pocket of my coat and looked upwards. I was thinking if I should open my mouth and pull out my tongue.

"No." I said to myself. I had to giggle just thinking about me doing such a silly thing. I stood up and entered the crowd of people. I was heading to a convenience store, I wanted to buy a hot chocolate and maybe a little snack to eat from the money I was just given. And suddenly, something felt off.

It was the snow. It suddenly didn't feel as cold as this morning. No, it wasn't the snow that changed, it was me. My body felt kind of warmer, although I had no idea why.

It wasn't that cold anymore.


	2. 2 - His name was Bokuto

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 2 – His name was Bokuto

Was it snowing again or was it still snowing? I didn't know, all I knew was that it didn't really matter to me. It didn't change the fact that it was snowing, like yesterday. And like any other day, I followed the same procedure as well. I took a walk when the streets weren't filled with crowds of people yet, then I sat down on the bench I always sat on. There, I'd be waiting until it was time for lunch to head to the store afterwards. After I had fetched my food, I'd go back to the bench and I'd eat there. And as soon as I was done with eating, I'd spend the rest of the day sat on that bench, until it was time to go to bed. I slept at a place that provided little rooms for homeless people so that they didn't have to sleep on the streets during winter. Given all the circumstances, I was really glad to have been living in Tokyo; I thought a smaller town wouldn't have had those possibilities. And after having slept there for the night, the daily routine began again. Always the same monotonous day I had been living for almost two years already. Almost two years since my mother had passed away.

I was sitting on the bench, my lunch had already been eaten by me. I had a very delicious and spicy soup with different vegetables and also some meat in there. Every meal I got each day felt like a huge present that I had been given and I was very grateful for it, I probably wouldn't still be alive without it.

Snowflakes kept on falling incessantly, while I had been eating and kept on falling after I had finished. At some point, I had to think of that person I met the day before and one thing he said to me crossed my mind. _I am catching snowflakes with my tongue, you should try it too, it's a funny feeling when they melt on top of your tongue_ , huh? The very sentence resounded in my head. Only seconds after that thought, my tongue was already outside of my mouth, waiting for a snowflake.

"Hehe." I giggled silently, when the first snowflake landed on my tongue and melted right away. It really was an interesting feeling, just like he described.

"See? I told you it's a funny feeling, didn't I?" I heard a voice and when I turned right, I saw the guy I was just thinking of. He was walking towards my direction and he was grinning as if he had won a bet against one of his friends. I turned my head away and blushed in embarrassment; he was the last person I'd wanted to see me doing that.

"And and and? How did it feel? Funny? Interesting? Awkward? Gross? Everything at once?" he was now standing in front of me, still grinning and obviously awaiting an answer.

"I-it… it was, kind of… interesting." I finally said after some seconds of not wanting to talk to him.

"Awesome, I knew it! Hey, can I sit on the bench again?" he asked me directly after my response.

"S-sure." I still was a little bit embarrassed, so I was stuttering my words. You could call it a habit of mine that I always started stuttering when I felt embarrassed or nervous.

"It's a little bit less cold than yesterday, isn't it?" he asked me.

"Is it? I don't really notice a change. It's the same as it always is." I replied to him.

"Really? But I think it's rather cold, and I mean, it's only November but already as cold as deep winter. I think that's special."

"It isn't really something special if it's cold in November. There have been other years too, where it started snowing even earlier and not only towards the end of this month."

"I still think that snow is something that belongs to December."

"I don't like that month, so it doesn't really matter to me."

"Whaaaat? Why not? The atmosphere, Christmas, happy families, lively memories can be made. I like this time of the year."

"That's good for you, but I do not." I said to him, hoping he would stop talking about that subject. But he didn't.

"Is there a reason to why you don't like this happy time?"

"There might be one."

"Would you mind telling me about it?"

"It's a long story, so yes, I would mind." I really didn't want to talk about that. Not about my past.

"Oh come on, we don't have anything else to do, we could talk about our pasts."

"Or we could just sit still and enjoy the silence."

"That'd be very boring, don't you think so too, mate?" why did he suddenly start calling me "mate". When did we became something like "friends"? We knew absolutely nothing about each other.

"I like the silence though." how long would it take him to notice my denial in telling him about my past?

"Come on, I'll tell you a bit about myself and then it's your turn."

"No."

"Okay. Uhm, where should I start? Oh I know! My name's Koutarou Bokuto and I'm 23 years old." he had to be a careless person, if he went around blurting his name to every stranger he found along his way.

"What else, uhm… Oh, I live in Harajuku together with my family. Mother, father, a big sister and a little brother. Oh and two owls, they're called Professor Hootsburgh and Owlbert Einstein." some rather peculiar names he picked for his pet owls.

"Also I'm a third-year in university and I'm part of a volleyball club. Do you play any sports?" he turned to me.

"I… I used to play volleyball too, but that was… long ago." I couldn't help but think back, I really loved to play it, but then I had no other choice then to stop playing. I wished I could play it once again.

"Oh reaaaaally?! What a coincidence! That's awesome, let's play some time then, okay?" his eyes started twinkling.

"Maybe." I didn't intend on playing again, although I really wanted to, but I knew I wouldn't be able to.

"That'd be so cool!" he said as he raised his arms into the air.

"Why are you telling me all that stuff?" I asked him quite suddenly, but I really wanted to know the reason.

"Hmm, why indeed. I don't really know why."

"You… don't know?"

"Well, I guess it's more like there doesn't have to be a reason. If you meet someone new, that person becomes an acquaintance and that acquaintance can become an important friendship, at least that's what I think. If you waste that opportunity, you could lose a cool friend, you'd never know whether the two of you could have become the closest friends. And I don't want to waste any opportunity I am offered, I want to live to the fullest, enjoy every happy and sad moment and share them with my friends and family. I want to create memories that can last for eternity and that's why I think I don't really need a reason for wanting to meet new people. Or for telling them about me." I was mesmerized by his little monologue and amazed by this person called Koutarou Bokuto. I had to hold back a tear that was forming in my eye. I really liked what he said; those were some precious words and it was the first time I had met someone like that. And I was envious of him, because I wasn't capable of those thoughts. There was a big difference from my life to his life, I assumed. He lived in another world, another world I envied, another world I wanted to visit, but couldn't. After a few seconds I was able to say something.

"I guess that is a reason in itself too, don't you think so." I told him.

"Hmm, now that I think about it, you might be right, yes. I never looked at it like that, but yes, you're right." he smiled when he noticed that fact. He had a very lovely smile, you could see he was truly happy.

"Good." I had to smile as well.

"Yes! Finally I could make you smile, and as I thought, you have a very pretty smile. You should smile more often, it would suit you, mate." he said out of the blue. I could feel how my cheeks were turning red again.

"Akaashi."

"Hmm?"

"Akaashi. That's my name, Akaashi. Keiji Akaashi." I smiled while saying my name, I felt kind of happy. When he realized I had just told him my name, his eyes started twinkling again and he reached out his hand.

"It's very nice to meet you, Akaashi." he said, his hand still reached out.

"The pleasure is all mine, Bokuto-san." I shook his hand. When was the last time I touched another person's hand? I missed that feeling and I remembered that I liked it a lot.

"No need for formality, drop the honorific."

"I won't. I'm 22, you're older than me, therefore I have to and want to speak adequately to you, so please let me use an honorific, Bokuto-san." I wanted to bow down a bit but as soon as he noticed, he stopped me.

"Okay okay okay, but please don't bow down, that's embarrassing."

"Alright then." I sat up again.

"Cool!"

"So… may I ask you who came up with the names of your pet owls?" I asked him the one thing that was swirling around in my mind all this time.

"Oh that? That was me, they're pretty cool, huh?" he seemed proud of himself.

"They're indeed special, I like Owlbert very much." I had to giggle.

"That one's really great, I know."

"Seems very much like you, Bokuto-san."

"Very much like me?"

"Yes, somehow, even though I don't really know you, I think that is very much like you. I don't really understand it myself."

"Well if you think so then it must be it." he laughed while saying that and right after he did, a phone started ringing; it was his phone. He answered it after pulling it out of his coat.

"Yes please? … Yes I am, why? … Oh! Oh okay, I'll be heading back now, okay? Good. Bye." He hung up again.

"Sorry, that was my brother, he said dinner was ready and if I won't get home soon our mom would get kind of angry. So I'll have to take my leave now, sorry." he said as he stood up.

"No need to, you have no other choice after all." I said to him.

"Well then, here you go." He gave me the same thing he did yesterday.

"But I-"

"No no no, I want to give it to you, please accept it, okay?"

"Okay, thank you very much Bokuto-san, I really appreciate it."

"No need to thank me, friend. See ya tomorrow then, bye Akaashi." He said as he waved with his arms and disappeared behind the next corner.

He called me a "friend". And he said "tomorrow" too. Would this kind of situation go on like this? Could I be able to talk to him more often from now on? I felt somehow warm inside, knowing that I'd be able to meet him again and talk to him again, it made me happy. He really was an odd fellow, in so many different ways. I enjoyed talking to him; it brought a change to my otherwise monotonous days. I liked that.

Was it coincidence that let me meet him or was it fate? I guessed it was the former one, fate had abandoned me long ago, it had forgotten about me, I had gotten lost, but he just happened to find me again. And I was grateful to him; to that man called Koutarou Bokuto.

* * *

(A/N: And here you have chapter two of the story. I hope you liked this one as well, and I'd like to hear your thoughts on it.

Also, I'll be doing a little "preview" of what will happen in the next chapter; starting now. So the next chapter will be called "Once upon a time" and you'll learn some things about Akaashi's past. And maybe you'll get to know why he's in his current situation. Stay tuned. Baiz~)


	3. 3 - Thank you for your smile

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 3 – Thank you for your smile

It was snowing once again and I was on my way to the bench I always sat on. I was hoping to meet Bokuto-san on the bench. As I was walking in the snow, passing by the lively crowd of people, I asked myself why I hoped for him to be there. Maybe it was because of all the time I had spent on my own on the streets. I realized it's good to have company, that too much loneliness can't be good for a person's mentality. Everyone needs to have some kind of social interaction with someone else, that's just what we humans are. It's not possible for us to live on our own, I had come to realize this after this long time, and the one person who made me realize was Koutarou Bokuto. I guessed that was the reason why I wanted to meet him again. Why I wanted his company and appreciated every moment I could talk to him.

The bench was already in sight and there he was, already sitting on it. As soon as I saw him my mouth formed a smile. Was I happy to see him? Was I really feeling happy? Happiness was a thing I had long since abandoned, I had come to the conclusion that all the different feelings were divided between all of humanity. I thought that some people had some feelings and other had others, everyone had a different set of them. And I had a set without things like happiness or hope, those where concepts I once knew but had forgotten about because of the incidents that had happened. But from the day on when I got to know Bokuto-san that way of thinking changed. I noticed that there still might be some happiness for me, and Bokuto-san might be the one to help me find it. He was like a light in the darkness that lead me out of it, and I was grateful for it.

As soon as I reached the bench I started waving with one of my arms, I normally wouldn't do so, but I just did. And when Bokuto-san had seen me he waved back and removed some of the snow from the bench so that I could take a seat next to him.

"Hi there Akaashi!" he said as I sat down.

"Good day Bokuto-san." I answered him.

"How you doing? Pretty cold today again, huh?" he breathed out to show me his breath freezing in the air. I had to smile again.

"Yes, it's a rather cold winter this year. Not like last." I said.

"Oh, so you're already… uhm…" I knew what he wanted to say. I knew that the time would come when he would start asking about it. I knew that it was inevitable to keep it a secret if we two really were to keep on meeting. But it was okay. I was ready to tell him. I felt like he would be my last opportunity to ever tell someone else about it, so I grabbed that chance. I grabbed it with all my might, hoping that it would change something, hoping that I would achieve something with it, even if it was just a tiny achievement, I would thankfully accept it.

"It all started 5 years ago." I took a deep breath. It was time to tell him my story.

"That's the time when things started to go worse with every day. But I guess to fully understand it, I'll have to start a few years earlier.

You could say I lived a fairly normal life, like your average Japanese. I had a nice childhood, had lots of friends and so on, you're average set of actors. But apparently I wasn't destined to live an average life. In the year I turned 16 my father lost his job. That in itself wouldn't have been that tough, if not for the fact that he started drinking and gambling, he couldn't accept losing his job. My mother had tried to stop him several times, but he wouldn't listen to her, he did what he wanted. Because of that my mother had to look for a job herself, we needed the money so she had no other choice. I too helped a bit with summer jobs I did from time to time, but after a while mom said I should stop. She wanted me to concentrate on studying so that I could lead a bright future. She wanted me to make my dreams come true, she wanted me to live a happy life, not worrying about my parents' problems. And I did as she asked to, I focused on my studies.

That continued for almost a year. Dad kept on going out almost every night and wouldn't come back until dawn broke. He used to spend the money my mother earned with hard work on alcohol and on gambling. Mom tried to help him at the beginning, but she noticed it wouldn't be of any help, so she stopped trying. On the evenings he didn't go out he stayed at home and treated my mother like a maid or a slave, ordering her around all the time, but my mother didn't protest. She always had told me that it was only a 'phase' my father was undergoing and that he'd be back to normal in no time. I wanted to believe her, but I realized she was lying to me, and to herself. I think she wanted to protect me, she didn't want me to find out the truth about my pathetic father.

There was one time where I asked my father why he went out and spent all the money mom earned, but instead of talking to me and telling me a possible reason he just hit me. He had hit me so hard that I fell down on the floor. If my mom wouldn't have been there at that time and stopped him he would have hit me even more. After that incident my mom tried to talk to him in serious, but dad didn't listen to her and ended up hitting her as well. I was in the room next door and could hear every single word, of course I heard how he hit her too, but I was too afraid to go out and stop him. I was too afraid of my own father and I couldn't do anything about it. I remember all the times they had an argument and he ended up hitting her because he didn't want to hear what she had to say. And every time he did I was in the room next door, buried under my futon, hiding and crying. Crying because I was afraid and crying because I wasn't able to help mom. I felt powerless.

That same procedure continued for nearly half a year until that one day. I was almost 18 years old and started doing minor jobs again to help my mother, it was the only way I could help her, dad kept on spending all the money. On that one day I had been working until late in the evening, later than I normally would have to work, so I got home late. And when I opened the door to our little apartment on that day and entered I let go of the bags I was carrying in shock. I remember how my heart stopped beating for what felt like an eternity. Mom was lying on the floor, the room looked like an earthquake had taken place right beneath of it and the floor under mom's head was covered in red. My father was nowhere to be seen though, so I rushed to my mother and tried to talk to her, but she didn't react and I quickly called for the ambulance. They came after some minutes and I accompanied my mother to the hospital, hoping that everything would be fine…" I took a break. I had been talking for minutes without a stop. I faced Bokuto-san, I was wondering how felt during my talking. I was surprised, I had expected a lot of different expressions, but not the one he was actually looking at me with. His eyes were focused on me, he was calm and seemed to be concentrating and clearly listening to everything I had to say. It made me happy to know that I could talk to someone about it. After a deep breath I continued my story.

"When we arrived at the hospital my mom was treated immediately. The only thing I could do was sit on a bench in the hospital and wait. I don't remember how long I was waiting on that bench for someone to come and tell me that everything was fine, but then finally a doctor appeared and told me to accompany him. After walking past some corridors we entered a room and I saw my mother lying on a bed. As soon as I closed the door I started running towards my mom. She must have heard it and turned her head around and when she saw me she smiled. I was crying as I hugged her, and the first thing she said while I was still crying was that she was happy I was safe and sound. Even being in that condition she still was worried about me. After a while the doctor joined us and I calmed down again. He wanted to talk about what would happen from then on.

He told us that my mother had suffered some injuries on her head, but nothing too serious. I was relieved. I wanted to go back home with her as soon as possible.

'Let's walk home together, mom." I said to her, trying to brighten up the mood. Of course I knew she wouldn't be able to go home right away, but I didn't expect the answer my mother gave me after that.

'I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I won't be able to fulfil that wish of yours, Keiji.' Mom said as she smiled. And then the doctor started speaking again. My eyes widened when I heard what he had said. I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it.

My mother had become paraplegic, she wouldn't be able to walk never again." I took another deep breath but continued without any longer break.

"After that one day our lives had changed, of course. In more than one way. I never saw my father again. He and mom had had a fight apparently and then dad had pushed my mother so that she had fallen down. According to the doctor she must have hit her back against something that caused her to become paraplegic. We supposed that dad had seen her lying on the floor, not moving and blood coming out of her head which had hit the table when falling. And with seeing her like that he must have thought that he had accidentally killed his own wife and run away. That the theory, I still don't know where he could be now, I don't even know if he's still alive.

After that incident my mother got bound to a wheelchair and had to stop working. I abandoned my studies and found a job in a small little store, I just wanted to be there for mom. She said she wasn't happy that I had stopped studying, but that she wouldn't stop me and continued smiling. I stopped going out with friends, I stopped spending too much money on things that weren't really needed. I even ended up selling the violin I got from my parents for my tenth birthday, I hadn't played it in ages anyway.

It was on days like these, like today, on cold and snowing winter days that mom always asked me if I could go out with her to take a walk with her in the wheelchair. Of course I always did as she wished. We spent a lot of time together in the snow, be both loved winter, we used to build snowmen when I was young and make snowball fights, it was never boring with mom. And so the days moved on, and days turned to weeks and months, despite everything that had happened we were both happy. But it shouldn't last forever.

Once in a while my mother to go to the hospital to check on how things were going, just your normal routine. But then one day she had to stay there for a night, to conduct some tests. And on the day I wanted to go and take her back home, I overheard something I probably shouldn't have. Just as I opened the door to my mother's room I heard the doctor talking. I remember every single word of that conversation.

'I'm deeply sorry having to tell you this Miko-san, but it looks you have cancer and don't have a lot of time.' were the words that broke my world. It had shattered into millions of pieces and I just stood there, I froze on the spot with the door knob in my hand." I turned my head skywards and took another deep breath. It was still snowing. I didn't want to cry in front of Bokuto-san, but I couldn't help. I noticed how tears were forming in my eyes, but I continued talking nonetheless.

"'I see. Can I ask you something, doctor?' were the first things my mother said after she had learned her fate.

'Anything.'

'Can I ask of you to not tell my son? I don't want him to worry. Would that be possible?'

'If that's what you want…' were the last words I heard before I let go of the door knob and closed the door again. I had no courage to enter the room, I looked for a bench and when I found one I sat down and started crying. I wasn't yelling nor screaming nor sobbing aloud, there were only tears. I was sitting there in silence and crying.

After a while I more or less calmed down and decided to visit my mother and to take her home. She was smiling as I entered the room and she really didn't tell me anything and I decided I wouldn't tell her that I already knew. I just wanted to enjoy the remaining days or weeks I had. And so I did, days continued to move on like they always did, and then the day came…

I was just about to get ready to go out on a walk with my mother and when I came back from my room to the living room where my mother was waiting, she had already silently passed away. She had died with a single tear on her cheeks and a smile on her face.

The last words she had said to me when I was in my room, looking for my gloves were 'Thank you for always taking care of me, Keiji.'" I was still looking into the sky, drying my tears. I needed to calm down. I looked at Bokuto-san again. He had the same expression as when I started talking.

"You know, my mom was a very optimistic person, she was always smiling, enjoying every moment of her life, no matter what happened. In some ways you remind me of her, Bokuto-san. My world had shattered when I overheard the doctor's and mom's conversation. Those shards… I never had the courage to do anything about them, but I feel as if there is a person that suddenly started picking them up, collecting them and putting them together again. You're picking up my shards, Bokuto-san. And I don't even know how to than-" but before I could finish my sentence Bokuto-san had already started hugging me. He was hugging me with all his might.

"Cry." he said.

"H-huh?" I was confused.

"I said cry! It's okay, you can cry. You're allowed to cry. You don't have to swallow down everything, you don't need to keep it for yourself. I'm here. I'll be here for you, so cry. I won't let go off you until you haven't stopped crying. So cry!" Bokuto-san said out of nowhere.

And then it just happened and I started crying out loud. I let it all out. I cried, I sobbed, I screamed. I was hugging him as well and just kept on crying and it felt so liberating.

As I kept on crying, the snow kept on falling down on us. Bokuto-san didn't say anything during that entire time, I only saw him smiling.

Thank you for always taking care of me, mom.


	4. 4 - When the light expels the dark

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 4 – When the light expels the dark

After some minutes I calmed down and finally stopped crying. Bokuto-san let go of me like he had promised and we were now facing each other; I wanted to dry up my tears with my hands, but Bokuto-san was faster and was already holding a tissue into my direction.

"Thank you Bokuto-san, for everything." I said sincerely.

"Huh? But I haven't done anything yet." he answered with a smile.

"You've done so much already, yet you don't even realize it, do you?" I had to laugh slightly.

"Why're you laughing at me? Stop laughing at me!" Bokuto-san saying that made me laugh even more. He joined me instantly as well, though. After I calmed down I started talking again, my story still wasn't told to the end.

"Anyway… may I continue where I left off?" I looked at him and he only nodded.

"Soon after my mother passed away a funeral was held. Because we didn't have any relatives living nearby, there were only me , my mother's friends and some of the co-workers from where she used to work, but that was it. It still pains my heart when I think about how they lowered the coffin into its hole at last. And as quick as everything started as quick it was done again. After talking to me for a few minutes, all the people left and I was left behind. I was 19 years old at that time and I was left alone. But the tough parts would only start from there on.

As I was being confronted with different situations I slowly lost control of everything, I couldn't handle that much responsibility all of a sudden. And because of several things happening all at once, almost one year after my mother had passed away I lost everything and had to start living on the streets. And that for almost 2 years already. But here I am, still living. I survived. I am here because of different people, and I am thankful to every single one of them. Including you, Bokuto-san. Thank you for listening to my story." I said at last.

"Okay then! Let's get started!" Bokuto-san suddenly said.

"Let's get what started?" I asked confused.

"Let's start writing the new chapter of your story, Akaashi!"

"Excuse me?" I didn't know what he meant.

"Well your story can't end like that, you deserve a happy ending. At least that's what I think. Every story needs a fitting end, be it a happy end, a sad one, an unexpected one, whatever it fits the story most. All stories, no matter how short or long they are, all of them need an end. I think there's nothing worse than an unfinished story. Like, it can only be labelled as _good_ or _bad_ if it has an end, don't you think? One does not know how a story could continue, so it can only be rated as soon as it has an end. And I want to help you find a fitting end to your story, so let's get started!" once again I was enthralled by Bokuto-san's words. Somewhere along the line he had got up from the bench and then started raising one arm skywards while grinning. He was a truly wonderful person.

"And what do you intend to do, Bokuto-san?" I asked finally.

"Shopping!" he said while he grabbed me by my arm.

"Sh-shopping?!" I was confused.

"Yup! Come on!" and before I could say anything else he was already dragging me along through the crowd of people, pulling me from my hand. It may have not been important to him, but the fact that someone was holding my hand made me happy. I was feeling someone else's warm hand again, it felt like an eternity the last time I experienced that feeling and it made me happy. And before I realized, we left the crowd again and were standing in front of a store, Bokuto-san was being dead serious.

"B-Bokuto-san, what is the meaning of this?" I said as I looked through the store's windows.

"What do you mean? That's a store where you can buy clothes and stuff." he said plainly.

"Bokuto-san I meant why did you bring me here?"

"Didn't you listen to me? I'll help you start the next chapter of your story, and for that you need a job. And for that you need new clothes. And for that we're here. Simple, right?" he smiled.

"Y-you can't be serious, how should I look for a-"

"Let that be my problem, let's enter!" he said as he opened the door, completely ignoring me.

"Welcome, please come in." one of the shop assistants said.

"Ossu!" Bokuto-san replied.

"How may we help you?" the assistant asked with a smiling face.

"Well, you see. I'm here to find something new for my friend here and-"

"Bokuto-san, I said-"

"-AND HE'S KIND OF SHY, SO DON'T LISTEN TO HIM." Bokuto-san yelled out of nowhere. My face turned red and I was too embarrassed to say anything, so I gave in.

"I… I see. Uhm… wh-what kind of clothes are you looking for, sir?" the confused assistant turned to me and asked me. I didn't know what to say.

"Uhm, he only needs a new pair of casual clothes for winter aaaand a suit if that's possible." Bokuto-san answered and I thought I was mishearing things. Why did I need a suit?

"Bokuto-san, why do I-" but he didn't listen to me and only grabbed me by my hand and pulled me to where the assistant was guiding us. Then Bokuto-san pushed me into a changing room and told me to wait there, he would take care of the rest. I felt as if I was part of a bad comedy show and the thought made me laugh, but I quickly stopped again. After a while, a pair of hands was holding a bunch of sweaters into the changing room.

"Here, try these on and choose the one you like." I heard Bokuto-san's voice behind the curtain. I did as he said and tried them on and among all those sweaters there was one that caught my attention. It was a simple patterned one, with a black and white zigzag pattern and it didn't feel itchy, so I chose that one.

"Uhm, okay. I'm done Bokuto-sa-" but before I could finish the sentence, Bokuto-san interrupted me.

"Okay and now take these and do the same." he said again, that time holding some pairs of trousers and I repeated what I just did.

"What's your shoe size?" Bokuto-san asked.

"Uhm, 27, why do you-"

"Thanks!" he never heard me out. After a while he was holding a pair of boots into the changing room.¨

"Here, put them on and then come out." he said and after I had put on everything I pushed the curtain aside and left the changing room.

"A-and?" I asked shyly.

"Looks good on you, perfect. And now for the suit, so go back."

"But I-" I wanted to say something but he had already pushed me back and closed the curtain behind of me. And after another while he came back and held a piece of cloth into the changing room and I took it into my hand.

"Bokuto-san?" I asked him in a serious tone.

"Yes, Akaashi?"

"What is this?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"This is a skirt, not a suit."

"Yes, I… I thought maybe you would like to-"

"Bokuto-san, no." I said sharply.

"But…"

"No." I said and handed him the skirt. What in the world was he thinking about? After a while he came back with a suit and I tried it on.

"Awesome, the suit _suits_ you." he said and started laughing at his own pun; the shop assistant rolled with her eyes.

"Anything else?" the assistant asked us.

"Nope, that's it. I'd like to pay." Bokuto-san said.

"What? No. Where are my clothes?" I refused to let him buy something that expensive for you.

"Already in a bag, keep on the suit, you'll need it."

"No. This is not acceptable."

"Sir, do you want to pay cash or with credit card?" the assistant asked Bokuto-san.

"Uhm, card please." he said as he took out his purse and pulled a card out of it, and at that moment I grabbed the card and hid it behind my back. He didn't seem to have expected something like that coming from me.

"Bokuto-san please, I cannot accept such a thing." I said to him.

"But I want to give you a Christmas present."

"First of all, it's not Christmas yet and secondly, there is absolutely no reason for you to give someone like me a present. We barely know each other." after that he seemed to be mad at something. Did I say something wrong?

"Akaashi, gimme back my card!" he insisted on it.

"No."

"Oh no! Why is there an owl in the shop? Watch out Akaashiiii!" Bokuto-san yelled suddenly. Being startled, I covered my head with my arms and as soon as I did so, he took the chance and grabbed his card back and quickly gave it to the assistant.

"Here, I'll pay! Haha!" he said while laughing and I put my hands back down; he had tricked me, why was I so stupid? I sighed and gave in.

"There really is no way to beat you, huh? Your light's too bright." I whispered to myself.

"Hmm? Did you say something, Akaashi?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all, Bokuto-san. And thank you, once again." I said smiling. After he had paid for everything we left the store.

"I'll regret asking, but… what now, Bokuto-san?" I asked him.

"Let's go meet my dad!"

"Wh-what?!"

"My dad! I heard there's a free job at my dad's company, so I thought you might want to see how it is and because it's my dad…"

"Bokuto-san!"

"Yeeees?"

"Are you serious? How, how can you do something like _that_ for someone like _me_? I just-" I wanted to continue, but he interrupted me once again.

"Stop putting yourself on an inferior level than others, Akaashi! I know, you might've lost faith in yourself after all that happened to you, but please stop. Don't you ever forget that you're just as human as anyone else. Don't you dare to forget that you're as important as anyone else. If you lost faith in yourself then believe in me, at least. I'll give it back to you. I'll find your lost faith and give it back to you. But if you still keep making yourself inferior to others, then that means you don't believe in me, and I don't want that. You're already an important and precious friend of mine, if you like it or not. You started talking to me, so deal with it! Put up with me! It's your own fault! And now let's go!" he had turned around to tell me all of that and when he finished he started pouting and started walking again.

I didn't know what to say to him, so I just remained silent and followed him. I looked up at the sky; it was snowing.

It was true. All he had said was true. I did indeed lose my faith, why wouldn't I? I lost everything else, there was no point in having faith, so I abandoned that as well. I thought I'd keep on living like that, but there was someone who thought to change that. And that person was Bokuto-san. He may have not noticed by that time, but he had already changed my life. He was my light. The light that guided me through my darkness I had built up the past few years. The light that showed me the way to dawn, to start over again; to start the next chapter of my story as he used to say. I always thought I was trapped in a maze with no way out, but I wasn't alone anymore. And thinking about that made me happy.

As I looked down again, I was looking at Bokuto-san's back. Suddenly a cold breeze blew and I wanted to cover my hands and put them in my pockets, but then I noticed something. Bokuto-san's right hand wasn't in his pocket. And without noticing it, my left hand started moving on its own and reached towards Bokuto-san's hand, but I stopped it right before they touched. What was I doing? Why did my hand move on its own? I hadn't noticed at that time, but at the same time I unconsciously reached for his hand my heart started beating faster. Bokuto-san did not only bring a spark of light to my life, he had also lit a spark in my heart.


	5. 5 - The second chance that he obtained

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 5 – The second chance that he obtained

We continued walking like that for a while and the snow didn't seem to stop anytime soon. Bokuto-san didn't talk to me during the entire time, I must have really upset him with the things I said. But it was still the truth, no matter how you looked at it. One wouldn't normally do that many things for someone they barely knew. But then again, Bokuto-san didn't seem to be part of the 'normal population'. He was someone special, a person with a great personality and a very kind heart. I bet he would've been like that to everyone, I just happened to be at the right place at the right time. I just got lucky, nothing else. But I was thankful nonetheless.

"We're here, Akaashi!" he suddenly said as he stopped walking and caused me walking into his back because I was too lost in thought. In front of us was a huge building, it wouldn't be surprising if it was one of the highest buildings in town. I looked up but couldn't seem to see until its highest point.

"This is it?" I asked curiously.

"Yup, that's my dad's company. Well, one of the many branch offices, I lost count of it, haha." he started laughing as if that'd be one of the most normal things to say. But then again; it was Bokuto-san.

"I… I see." I said slightly overwhelmed.

"Come on in!" he grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me straight through the front door. I didn't even try to resist, I would lose to him anyway.

"Good day sir, how may I hel-oh, Koutarou-san. Welcome. Do you have an appointment with your father?" the woman sitting at the reception desk welcomed him. I only bowed down to her, not knowing what else to do.

"Well, something alike. Is he free right now?" he asked her.

"Yes, he said he would be taking his break and that he didn't wish for anyone's visit at the moment." the receptionist continued.

"Great, tell him I'll be coming up with the elevator." Bokuto-san while already going into the elevator, again pulling me by my sleeve.

"Koutarou-san, your father doesn't-" were the last words we heard before the elevator's doors closed.

"Bokuto-san, how do you expect this to work out exactly?" I asked him while the elevator moved upwards.

"I have no idea!" he said as sincerely as he could.

"Bokuto-san!"

"Don't worry, it'll work out eventually. Say, Akaashi, ever worked in an office?"

"No." I said as sincerely as I could.

"Ever worked with a computer?"

"What exactly do you mean by 'worked with'?"

"Do you know how to turn on a computer?"

"Yes."

"Goooooood, that'll be enough for the start." he said while sticking his thumbs in the air as to say that everything would be okay. After that the elevator made a sound and the doors opened. The first thing I saw was a man in a suit sitting on an armchair and drinking what seemed to be a cup of tea or something alike. I was probably staring at him, seeing how he was visibly surprised and staring back at us.

"Koutarou?" the man broke the silence.

"Yo dad, sorry to disturb your break, but you've got time right now?" Bokuto-san said with a smile.

"I… suppose so?" Bokuto-san's father said confused as he put his cup on a table standing next to the armchair. I felt slightly sorry for him, but I could imagine that he was already used to living with someone like Bokuto-san.

"Awesooooome, my friend here would like to start working here, so I thought-"

"So you thought he could just come talk to me like that because you're the president's son and can avoid the complicated things?" his father had a point.

"Exactly!" Bokuto-san wasn't even trying to deny it.

"Oh Koutarou…" his father buried his face into his hand. I suspected it was a very common reaction to dealing with Bokuto-san. Meanwhile he was only grinning.

"Uhm… I'm sorry." I said finally and bowed down, I felt like I had to apologize for Bokuto-san's behaviour.

"Oh no no, don't worry. I'm… used to it you could say." his father said.

"I see…" I wasn't even surprised.

"Koutarou, would you leave us alone for a while then?" he asked him.

"Sure! You can do it, Akaashi!" he said while he disappeared into the room next door.

"Shall we start then…?"

"Akaashi. Keiji Akaashi. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me."

"Sure, Akaashi-san. So then… uhm… how about you start explaining to me how this happened exactly?" I knew he'd be asking me that, why wouldn't he. It was the normal way of dealing with the situation, but that was okay. I did as he said. I explained it him. Everything. I told him everything I had told Bokuto-san. While explaining him my story he didn't interrupt me even once. He only listened to me while sitting on his armchair. I was happy that he seemed to be taking this serious and that he was actively listening to my story, it felt like when I told that story for the first time. I still thought it was an insane idea and I honestly didn't think that his father would just accept everything. But at the same time I told myself I had nothing to lose. It was really just another moment of all or nothing. Either it worked out or either it didn't; in which case I'd just go back to how I was living. It wouldn't have been anything new for me.

After I finished explaining everything to him, none of us spoke for a while. But then he started talking.

"Sounds indeed like something my son would do, alright." he said with a slight grin.

"I am sorry if I have caused you any inconveniences, sir." I said.

"Don't worry, everything's fine. And okay, why not. I'll hire you for a traineeship to see how you'd work. Would that be alright?" he said out of nowhere.

"I beg your pardon?" I wasn't sure if I had really heard what he said.

"Traineeship. For… let's say a month, starting next year. How does that sound?"

"Just… just like that?" I couldn't believe it.

"To be honest, if I didn't know that Koutarou can behave like… uhm… like Koutarou behaves sometimes, and if I wouldn't know about his circumstances, then this wouldn't be possible. But rest reassured, we'll gladly welcome you, Akaashi-san. Only if you want to of course." he started laughing.

I put my hands onto my lap and looked down. Tears were dropping down on my hands, I couldn't hold them in.

"Th-thank you… very, very much… sir…" I couldn't believe it, but it actually worked out. Suddenly everything seemed to be brightening up, as if the darkness wasn't there anymore.

"You can come out now Koutarou, so stop the eavesdropping, I know that you were listening." he said and Bokuto-san came out of the door holding up both his hands and forming a peace sign.

"I knew you could do it, Akaashi!" he started laughing aloud.

"Yes." I looked at him and smiled, tears still pouring down. Once again Bokuto-san had shown me how bright life could be. I felt like I had been given a second chance in life. A new chance to start all over again, just as if someone had pushed the reset button of this game called life. And yet again that person had been Bokuto-san.

Every time I looked at him and his smile I got a warm feeling around my heart, and slowly I started to realize what that feeling was. At first I didn't want to accept it, because I didn't know how he would react if I'd ever let him know. But that didn't matter to me. I didn't know how this second chance would continue, but one thing was for sure.

I had fallen in love with Bokuto-san.

After some more talk about how everything would start next year, Bokuto-san and me bid our goodbye and left his father's room and finally exited the building again.

"We did it, Akaashiiiii!" he suddenly said as he hugged me while we were standing on the street.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san. Thank you so much." I said sincerely and happily. I was indeed very happy.

It was already getting late and the snow kept on falling down, it was time to part ways with Bokuto-san for the day.

"It's getting cold, huh?" he said.

"Yes, you should-"

"Then let's go home!"

"H-huh?" I was confused, but before I could do anything he was already pulling at my sleeve. I gave in and matched his walking speed so that we could walk side by side.

"Finally!" he said.

"What?" I asked him.

"You know, I always wanted you to walk by my side, do you know why?"

"No, I don't know."

"You see… if you walk behind me, I may not lead. If you walk in front of me, I may not follow. So just walk beside me, let's go down the path together, okay?" he looked at me with a smile. Bokuto-san always managed to say the most beautiful things, and he might not even have noticed it himself. So I just smiled back at him; and continued walking by his side.

After a while we reached a rather old apartment house and we entered it. I didn't know what he wanted to do there, but I just kept on following him until we reached the highest floor. And then Bokuto-san approached a door, took out a key out of his pocket and opened the door.

"We're home!" he said as he entered.

"H-huh?!" I was confused, but he waved his arm, telling me to enter as well. When I entered I looked around of me. It was a rather small rooftop apartment, but its small size did have a certain appeal to it, I liked it. It looked like a comfortable apartment to live in and I asked myself who was living in there.

"Do you like it?" Bokuto-san asked me suddenly while we was taking off his coat. Was this where he lived?

"Uhm, yes. It's quite… appealing, somehow. And it's warm." I said as I unconsciously took off my coat as well, only noticing I did so afterwards.

"I know right, it's perfect for the two of us."

"Yes, it really does seem like-what?"

"Ohhhh, remember my pet owls? I brought them along!" he continued while ignoring me.

"Bokuto-san, what is the meaning of this?" I wanted an explanation.

"Hm? I didn't want to leave my owls alone while I-"

"That's not what I mean."

"What is it then, Akaashi?" he grinned at me.

"What do you mean 'for the two of us'? You can't possibly mean to take me in or something."

"Why not?" he asked as innocently as he could. If I didn't know for better, I'd think he'd be fooling me, but it was Bokuto-san, he was being serious.

"Bokuto-san, you cannot simply… it's… I…" I didn't know what to say so I just sighed instead. I knew it'd be pointless to try and convince him otherwise.

"Akaashi?"

"Okay. But let me get this clear, Bokuto-san. I _will_ pay for the rent as soon as I can. _I_ will be the one to do the chores, I will and _want_ to compensate you for everything you've done for me, if you like it or not." I had made up my mind.

"Uhm, okay? Can I show you my owls now?" he said as if nothing had happened.

"Sure, Bokuto-san." I had to laugh, the entire scene was too surreal and it felt so unbelievable, but it was really happening. I would live together with Bokuto-san, just like that. Not only did I discover that I had feelings for him, I also had the luck to be spending time with him as much as possible and I couldn't be any happier. It seemed like I had left behind my sad life and a new era was beginning. And the cause of everything was Bokuto-san; he was the light of my life.

"Hmm, I'd like some tea now, I'll go make som-"

"No, I'll do it, Bokuto-san." I interrupted him.

"Uhm, okay!"

"I'm starting to compensate you now. With small steps, even if it's only making tea." I said as I stood up from the couch we sat down on after he had shown me Owlbert Einstein and Professor Hootsburgh. I somehow thought that the owls resembled Bokuto-san, I wasn't sure why though.

"I know something better you could do for me, Akaashi." he said.

"What?" I was curious.

"Let's go out tomorrow."

"Wh-what?!" I blushed, I didn't expect that proposal.

"Okay?"

"By 'go out' you don't possibly mean…" I didn't want to say it.

"I do. Let's go on a date, Akaashi."


	6. 6 - True bliss is a rare opportunity

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 6 – The experience of true bliss is a rare opportunity

For a moment I had the feeling as if time had stopped flowing. I wasn't sure if I had misheard what Bokuto-san said; all I knew was that it spun around in my head a few times. I was standing in the kitchen, still making tea, but my hands wouldn't move. I was frozen in time. After all, I had only just realized my feelings for him, so hearing him say what I was secretly hoping for was slightly shocking, I had never expected it.

"Akaashi?" he was suddenly standing behind of me. I startled and turned around.

"B-Bokuto-san!" I blushed, I was nervous.

"So what do you say?" he only smiled.

"I… a… a d-date? W-why?"

"You know, go out. Two people. They do stuff. Have fun. And-"

"That's not what I meant."

"Hmm?"

"Why me?!"

"Why you? Hmm… Why not?" he said honestly.

"D-d-d… do you l-li…" I was too shy to say it and faced the floor, I couldn't look him into the face.

"Hm?"

"N-nothing."

"So what do you say? Yes or yes?" he said as I looked up again.

"I have no other choice, do I?"

"Nope!" he said with a big grin.

"Well then, my answer is yes. I'll gladly accept, Bokuto-san."

While lying in my new bed I wasn't able to fall asleep. My head was filled with myriad things, I didn't know what to think of first. Even being able to say 'my bed' meant so much to me, I hadn't felt that happy in a long time. I was staring at the ceiling and trying to sort out my thoughts, I needed to fall asleep as soon as possible, I didn't want to be tired for the day I'd spend with Bokuto-san. But thinking about it made me nervous again and I covered my face with my hands. After I calmed down I looked to my left, Bokuto-san was sleeping safe and sound. We may have been sleeping in the same room, but luckily there were two beds, I wouldn't have been able to deal with it otherwise. Despite it being winter, all of Bokuto-san's blankets were lying all around the place, some on the floor as well. He was one of those persons who slept while moving and turning around a lot, it was just like one would expect it from Bokuto-san. I couldn't help but start smiling and then I slowly got up from my bed, I wanted to put the blanket from the floor on his bed again. When I did, I couldn't help but look at his sleeping face. I leaned forward and stopped right before his face.

"Thank you for everything, Bokuto-san." I whispered.

"…nnnkashi…" he said suddenly and I quickly jumped back into my bed and hid under my blankets. After a while I turned to Bokuto-san, only to see that he was still sleeping. He had only been sleep talking, apparently. Knowing that, I had to giggle, and fell asleep with a smile afterwards.

When I opened my eyes the sun was already shining through the windows, it was a sunny day and I was more or less ready to go out with Bokuto-san. As I got up from my bed and stretched my arms, there was a distinctive smell in the air. I wondered what it was and when I left the room I saw Bokuto-san standing in the kitchen, making breakfast.

"Ohh, you're awake Akaashi! Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes. You can sit down and wait." he said with a smile.

"Good morning Bokuto-san, I will." I said happily and took a seat at the table in the living room. Bokuto-san's two pet owls seemed to be sleeping, so I didn't make any noise, I didn't want to wake them up unnecessarily. After a while Bokuto-san joined me with the food he had made.

"Well then, let's eat! We have a lot to do today!" he said as he started eating.

"Thank you for the meal." I said as I pressed my hands together and started eating as well.

After we had finished eating I did the dishes while he was taking a shower and after I had taken one as well we were ready to go out.

"Where are we headed to, Bokuto-san?" I asked him while we were waiting for the bus.

"To a place with lots of people." he said.

"That's not very specific, is it?"

"Little people."

"Little?"

"Yes."

"How do I have to understand tha-" but before I could finish my sentence the bus arrived and we boarded it.

"Nice weather we have today, huh?" he wanted to change subjects.

"Bokuto-san, where are we going?"

"It's-a-se-cret." he said as he poked my nose. I blushed and he started laughing.

"Bokuto-san!"

"Hahaha, sorry Akaashi, I like it when you're flustered. And you should smile more often, you have a beautiful smile, don't lose it, okay?" he said with a honest face, causing me to blush even more. I didn't manage to talk to him for a while and after a few minutes we arrived at our destination; we were standing in front of a building. The weather had changed while we were riding the bus and it started snowing, nevertheless it was still a nice day.

"Where are we?" I asked him finally.

"Do you like children, Akaashi?" he asked me as he started walking towards the building's entrance.

"Ch-children? Why?"

"'Cause this is an orphanage, one I visit once in a while to play with the children. And I wanted to see how you'd do with them. Oh but there's another reason too, so don't worry. Just come in." he said as we entered the orphanage. I was really surprised, I didn't expect him to take me to a place like that.

"Bokuto-niisan!" a girl's voice yelled as soon as we were inside.

"Kota-niichan is here!" another girl yelled even louder than the first one. Bokuto-san and I took off our coats and suddenly a group of little children came running towards us, followed by a woman.

"Hi guys! I'm back, and today I brought someone else along with me. Say hi to Akaashi!" Bokuto-san said as he pointed at me. I was standing there, looking at the children's eyes, they were twinkling and looking back at me. I stooped to match their height so that we could talk eyes to eyes.

"Uhm, hello. I'm Akaashi, nice to meet you." after having introduced myself they seemed to grow curious and approached me.

"He's a veeeeery special friend of mine, and I really like him, so please be nice to him when he plays with you guys, okay?" Bokuto-san said while patting some of the children's heads.

"Okay!" they all said together.

"Now now, kids, let Bokuto-san and his guest enter properly, go back and play a bit." the woman who was standing behind of the children said finally.

"Alright, let's go!" one of the boys said and they all started running.

"I'm sorry Bokuto-san, they're always so excited when you say you're coming, they really like you after all. And you are Akaashi-san if I heard correctly. Nice to meet you, my name's Hikari Yamamoto and I'm the head of the orphanage." Yamamoto-san said as she turned to me.

"N-nice to meet you too, I'm Keiji Akaashi." I said politely.

"I hope Bokuto-san didn't drag you along, we know he would if he wanted to, right?" she said as she started laughing.

"Yes, probably." I had to laugh as well.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bokuto-san asked.

Yamamoto-san told me about the orphanage while we were walking towards where the children were playing. She told me that Bokuto-san was visiting the orphanage for about two years already and that the children grew attached to him and were always happy to play with him. That was a whole new side of Bokuto-san I didn't know of and it just proved once more how great a person he was.

As soon as we entered the room the children stopped playing and ran towards us again; all but one. There was a boy sitting in a wheelchair at a table, reading a book. But he stopped reading and started waving at us with a big smile on his face. Bokuto-san waved back and managed to free himself from the children surrounding us, walking to where that boy was sitting. After that the children started surrounding me.

"Hey hey, Aka-chan, how old are you?" a girl asked me.

"Where do you live?" another one asked.

"Do you have any pets?" a third one asked. And while I was being assailed with questions, Bokuto-san sat down next to that boy and started talking to him.

"Come on kids, let Akaashi-san breathe at least." Yamamoto-san said.

"Sooorry." they said.

"It's okay, I'll play with you later, okay? I want to greed everyone first." I said as I pointed at the boy next to Bokuto-san.

"Okay!" they answered with a smile.

"Oh, Akaashi, perfect timing! Lemme introduce you, this little guy is Yukito!" Bokuto-san said when he saw me approaching.

"Koutarou-san, I'm not that little anymore, I'm the oldest of the kids here." Yukito said with a smile.

"Sorry sorry." Bokuto-san apologised.

"Hello, my name's Yukito Amanohara. Nice to meet you." he said while smiling at me.

"Nice to meet you too, Yukito. I'm Keiji Akaashi." I said with a smile.

"May I call you Keiji-san?"

"Sure!"

"Okay, thank you!" he said with an even bigger smile.

"Yukito, guess what, this guy can play the violin!" Bokuto-san said out of nowhere.

"Bokuto-san!" I didn't want anyone to know.

"Whaaaat?! It's the truth!"

"But…"

"Really?" Yukito's eyes started glowing as if he had been told the greatest news ever.

"Well, I used to play it, but that was years ago. I don't know if I still can play it."

"You have to try!" Bokuto-san said.

"Even if I wanted, I'd need a violin, wouldn't I?"

"That's no problem, I have one in my room!" Yukito said.

"R-really?" I was surprised.

"I'll bring it here!" Bokuto-san said and ran out of the room.

"Will you play the violin, Keiji-san?" Yukito looked at me with big eyes. I couldn't say no.

"Alright, I'll try." I smiled.

"Really? Awesome!" seeing his happy face was already worth it.

"Why do you have a violin, Yukito? Are you learning to play it too?" I asked him curiously.

"No, it belonged to my father. But since my parents died in the accident it hasn't been used." he said.

"Oh, I… I'm sorry, I didn't want to…"

"Ah no no, don't worry. It's okay, I'm okay. But, yes, I was pretty depressed when it happened. I did not only lose the ability to walk, but also my parents. And just when I was about to feel completely lost Koutarou-san appeared and saved me from giving up, hehe. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't want to talk about it and-" before he could say any more I hugged him.

"It's okay, I understand. He did the same for me. Bokuto-san really is an amazing person, huh?" I said while hugging Yukito; I could hear how he was holding back his tears and I felt how he nodded. When I let go of him, the both of us were smiling.

"I'm back! And I found a triangle too!" Bokuto-san had appeared again, carrying a violin in one hand and a triangle in the other.

"Play it, play it Kota-niichan!" one of the girls said.

"Alright!" he answered.

"Bokuto-san, do you even know how to play the triangle?" I asked him.

"Akaashi please, it's a triangle. I think even _I_ am able to play something like this." he said as he started hitting the triangle.

"Ahh, this sounds terrible." a boy said.

"Stop it, stop it!" another one said.

"You really suck at this, huh?" a third one said.

"Akaashi, they're making fun of me!"

"But it really _was_ terrible, Bokuto-san." I said to him.

"Akaashiiiiii…" he said and the children around him started laughing, Yukito and I joined them. Even Yamamoto-san had to hold back her giggles.

And while everyone was laughing and Bokuto-san started pouting, I looked at him. I had no more doubts, I truly loved him. His magic of making everyone around him happy was fascinating, he was like a radiant light that brightens up every darkness, no matter how dark it was. People wanted to be around him, people wanted to share this feeling of happiness with others. I felt blessed to have met him, I felt as if I was experiencing true bliss for the first time, and it warmed up my entire body making my heart beat faster.

"Well then here, take the violin and play something for us, Akaashi!" Bokuto-san was still a little upset and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Alright, I'll try playing my favourite song from when I was younger. I won't promise it'll be perfect, I haven't played in years, but I'll try." I said as I stood up and took the violin. After attuning it I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and started playing; everyone else stopped talking and they were all listening to my playing. And it worked, I was playing the violin I loved so much after all those years. Naturally, it wasn't flawless, but it wasn't as bad as I had feared.

"That was so beautiful!" Yukito said when I stopped playing and everyone else started clapping with their hands. I was embarrassed and bowed down to thank them. When I looked at Bokuto-san, I noticed he wasn't clapping his hands nor doing anything else, he was just staring at me with twinkling eyes and a slightly red face.

"Thank you all." I said finally.

"Keiji-san?" Yukito wanted to ask me something. Bokuto-san returned to his normal self and started playing with the other children.

"Yes?"

"Uhm… I… if you don't mind, I'd like to give the violin to you." Yukito said.

"Wh-what? But, isn't it your father's?"

"But I'd like it to be used, and since you're the only one I know that can play the violin, I'd be happy if you had it." he said.

"Are you sure? Doesn't it contain memories from your parents?"

"Hehe, my memories are in my heart, and if I always keep them in there my parents will always be by my side. That's what Koutarou-san said!" Yukito said with a smile on his face.

"Well then, if you insist. I'll gladly accept it. Thank you very much, Yukito." I said happily.

"But there's one condition!" he fixed my eyes, he had a serious look.

"Yes?"

"You have to visit us regularly and play the violin for us! Okay?" his serious look turned into a happy one.

"It would be my honour, Yukito." I said and he seemed to be even happier than before. After that I joined Bokuto-san and we played some games with the children. We didn't notice how time passed by and it was already time for lunch. Bokuto-san said it was time for us to go, but he promised that we'd come again. We took our leave while everyone was waving at us and we waved back. I had never been to an orphanage before Bokuto-san had taken me there that day, but I learned lots of new things.

We took the bus once again, Bokuto-san told me that he'd take me to a restaurant to eat lunch together. I only nodded, knowing that I had no other choice anyways. After less than ten minutes we arrived at our destination and we entered the restaurant. We didn't do that many things while waiting for our meal and while eating, mostly we just talked about various things. Bokuto-san told me more about his family and I kept on asking him questions about whatever crossed my mind. He also told me some stories about past adventures he had experienced with Yukito and the others and with every little thing he told me the warmth inside of me seemed to be growing slowly. I wouldn't have ever thought that just talking to someone special could be that entertaining and mesmerizing, I was really happy that he had asked me out.

After lunch we walked around town and visited different parks. It was still snowing, but is wasn't too cold so we had no problem. As we were walking we kept on talking; there were so many things I still didn't know about Bokuto-san and I wanted to know everything about the person that taught me how to not give, how to continue on living; with the person I fell in love.

We were so immersed in our conversations that we didn't really pay any attention to where we were walking and suddenly ended up near the Tokyo Tower. I told Bokuto-san I had never actually been on top of it so he suggested to go up and look at the view from above. I agreed and we climbed it and when we arrived at the top my eyes widened as I gazed at the extent of Tokyo. The sun was setting already, bathing everything in smooth tones of red, orange and light pink, causing my eyes to sparkle at the beautiful view. Seeing how big Tokyo was I started thinking about how lucky I was. Among all those people living there I was blessed with having met Bokuto-san. The more I thought about it, the more it felt like a dream, like an illusion. Among all the lights that were being turned on one by one as it got darker and darker, Bokuto-san was able to find my tiny light. Thinking about it brought tears into my eyes. He seemed to have noticed and gave me a tissue while smiling all over his face.

The sun had set when we walked down again and despite it being colder than before, the streets were full of people.

"Akaashi, have you ever been ice-skating?" Bokuto-san asked.

"Uhm, yes, but only a few times together with my parents when I was young, so…"

"Perfect, let's go ice-skating then!"

"Wh-what? Now?"

"Sure!" he said and started laughing.

After nearly 20 minutes of walking around we arrived at an open air ice rink and Bokuto-san rent two pairs of ice skates. He quickly put one on, went into the ice rink and started skating. It wasn't his first time, he was skating very well and that made me want to just sit and observe him instead of trying it myself. But after he had done a round he came back and waited for me.

"Come on Akaashi!" he said.

"I'm not really sure, I-"

"Come onnnn, I'll help and support you so you won't fall down, okay?" he said as he stretched out his arm. I sighed and quickly put on my ice skates as well and joined Bokuto-san on the ice.

"Can you stand on your own?"

"I… guess so." I said while concentrating to not lose my equilibrium. Bokuto-san moved forward a few meters.

"Cool, and now, come here." he said with a grin.

"Oka-" I wanted to say but fell down instead, I didn't even manage to budge an inch.

"Akaashi, are you okay?" he quickly came back and helped me get up again.

"I'm… okay, yes. It seems I need more training than I thought, huh?" I said as I started laughing at my own clumsiness.

"Okay, here." he said with his arms stretched out.

"Hold my hands, I'll lead you." he said. I hesitated at first, I didn't want to take his hands. I was sure I'd blush if I did. But he kept staring at me, so I gave in. He was holding my hands and slowly started moving, making sure I wouldn't fall on the ice again.

But we were skating on the ice. Bokuto-san was skating on the ice, with me. We were holding hands while skating and it made me very happy. It was still snowing and it was dark, but because of it the lights seemed to be more radiant than normally. It was as if dozens of little stars were shining onto the ice rink.

We were skating peacefully for some minutes already, but it wouldn't hold for long. Bokuto-san sneezed, which caught him off-guard and made him slip and fall down, resulting in me getting dragged down as well, because it didn't occur to me to let go of his hands. We were both lying on the ice.

"Bokuto-san, are you okay?" I was the first one to say something.

"Yes, kind of. And you?" he asked but started laughing right after it.

"I'm fine too, thanks." I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Maybe we should practise some more, huh?"

"Maybe that'd be better, yes." I said and tried to stand up again. But as I tried I failed and fell down again, this time landing on Bokuto-san who was still on the ice.

"I'm sor-" but before I could say anything he started laughing again, louder than before, and I joined him. After we calmed down again, we got up and decided to take it easier for the time being.

And just like that without us noticing an hour had already passed and both of us were getting tired so we decided to stop ice skating. After we had returned the ice skates we mixed with the crowd and started walking around again.

A familiar scene started to build up in front of me, like a déjà-vu. Bokuto-san was again in front of me, his hands not in his pockets and I was again thinking about reaching out and hold his hand. And again my arm started moving on its own, and just when I was about to move it back, something grabbed my hand; it was Bokuto-san. He had turned around his head and had grabbed my hand before I could move it back. He pulled me by my arm and we were standing next to each other when we started walking again. I looked at our hands and then at Bokuto-san, but he was only grinning happily, his cheeks being slightly red. I didn't say anything, but I felt extremely happy at that moment, I couldn't help but smile with all my might. We, Bokuto-san and I, were walking around in the crowd, together, holding hands. I once again looked at his face and at the same time he looked at me, and we both blushed before quickly looking away again. It was a moment of truly blissful happiness.

As we kept on walking hand in hands we didn't talk to each other. It was the first time that day that we didn't need to talk to understand each other, and I intended to follow Bokuto-san to wherever he was leading me, so I didn't really mind. After a few minutes we were standing in front of a cinema, he suggested to watch a movie and then go to a café before we would head home again. I agreed and we entered the cinema; I let Bokuto-san decide on which movie to watch.

After the movie had ended we quickly left the cinema and mixed with the crowd once again. This time it was me who reached out to grab his hand, I had gotten used to it and I liked it a lot, I didn't want to let go of his hand ever again.

Bokuto-san ordered a hot chocolate, I kind of expected him to be the kind that doesn't like coffee, and I was right. I ordered a tea and we took a table in the corner of the café, sitting on a sofa next to each other. There we could talk again about different things, we talked about the movie, about how we wanted to go ice-skating again someday. Whenever I looked at the violin case I was carrying along all day I thought of Yukito and the other children and that made me smile, I wanted to visit them again. I promised myself to practise playing at home so that I'd keep on improving.

We kept on talking for about half an hour until we noticed it had already turned past eleven and because we wanted to be home before midnight we left the café and headed home. It wasn't snowing anymore and there were less people on the streets, but still enough to call it a crowd. Bokuto-san and I automatically reached out for each other's hand without realizing it and we kept on holding hands for the rest of the way.

When we arrived home it was almost midnight and both of us were tired, we only wanted to go to bed and sleep.

"I'm home." Bokuto-san said as he entered the apartment.

"I don't think Owlbert and the professor will say 'Welcome back.' now." I said as I closed the door.

"You're right, they're probably asleep already." he whispered.

"Bokuto-san, that's not what I meant." I had to giggle.

"Anyways, I'm reeeaaally tired, I think I'll head to bed right away, what about you?" he looked at me.

"Me too, just wanted use the bathroom and then I'll go to bed too." I said.

"Okay then, good ni-"

"Bokuto-san!" I grabbed him by his arm before he could enter the bedroom.

"Yes?" he turned back.

"I…" I was thinking about it the entire day. I had asked myself if I should ask him or not. One part of me wanted to ask him and know what he'd answer, but another part was afraid to hear that answer. But I took a deep breath and asked him.

"B-Bokuto-san… tomorrow… w-would you…" I paused. He didn't say anything.

"I wanted to visit my mother's grave tomorrow and… I w-wanted to ask you if you'd like to come along, only if you don't mind, of course." I said as I faced the floor. Again he didn't say anything, we both remained silent for a while, but then he broke the silence.

"Akaashi." he said.

"Hm?" I slowly moved my head upwards to face him again and then it happened out of nowhere.

He kissed me.

"I'd be honoured to accompany you, Akaashi." he said after kissing me, his hand on my cheek. I froze, I didn't know how to react.¨

"Good night, Akaashi." he said as he let go of my face and entered the bedroom.

I was standing there for a while afterwards, still paralyzed from what had happened. Bokuto-san and I had kissed and I had never felt as happy in my life before. Tears started flowing down my cheeks as I was still standing there. They were tears of pure joy and happiness. I had been blessed, I couldn't possibly wish for anything else, I was perfectly happy. I dried off my tears and made up my mind. I'd confess to him on the next day, no matter what.

"I love you, Bokuto-san." I whispered to myself as I remained there for some more minutes before going to bed.


	7. 7 - Memento mori

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 7 – Memento Mori

When I woke up in the morning, the first thing I noticed was the faint smell of smoke in the air. I stood up quickly and saw that Bokuto-san wasn't lying in his bed. I left the bedroom and stepped into the kitchen.

"Bokuto-san?!" I said loud.

"Morning, Akaashi." he said while standing in the kitchen. He was wearing an apron and I supposed he was cooking something.

"Bokuto-san, why does it smell of smoke?" I asked him finally.

"Probably my previous attempts."

"What do you mean?" I asked him and he pointed at a pile of something that, supposedly, were pancakes, but they rather resembled a pile of coal than anything else.

"I'm preparing breakfast!" he said with a smile.

"I can sme-I mean, I can see that."

"I hope you like pancakes, it's my fourth attempt and I think I'm slowly getting the hang of it."

"Okay. Uhm, then I'll go get ready. Thank you."

"Sure!" he said and continued cooking. I passed the still sleeping owls and entered the bathroom. When I returned to the kitchen Bokuto-san hat already finished and was waiting for me with a wide grin across his face. He looked like a little child, waiting for someone to praise him for how well he did on the task he was given. I sat down at the table and put my hands together.

"Thank you for the meal." I said and started eating. Bokuto-san was staring at me, still waiting for a comment.

"Bokuto-san?" I said after swallowing down the first bite of pancake.

"Yes?" his eyes widened.

"It's really delicious, thank you." I said

"Really?!" his eyes started sparkling.

"Yes, really." I continued eating.

"Hey hey heeeey, I am awesome!" he yelled while putting his arms in the air and when he calmed down again he started eating as well. As we were having breakfast I was convinced that _someday_ he'd get the hang of it, but that'll take some more attempts.

After we were done eating I helped washing the dishes and then we both got ready to head out. Like I had asked him the day before, I wanted to visit the grave of my mother, and since Bokuto-san had become such an important person in my life, I wanted to introduce him to my mother. I was happy he had agreed to accompany me. Even though I had visited the cemetery a lot times, I still felt uneasy sometimes. Therefore I was glad that I didn't have to go there alone.

"You ready Akaashi?"

"Yes, we can go."

"Owlbert, Professor, look after the house while we're gone, bye!" Bokuto-san said as he closed the door and we descended the stairs.

"I don't think they'll be able to do that, though." I said when we stepped outside.

"Don't worry, it may not look like it, but I've trained Owlbert, he can do it. The Professor never listened to me when I tried, but since I managed to train half of them it means I'm half good in training animals, right?"

"But also that you're half bad."

"Akaashiiiii…"

"I'm joking, sorry Bokuto-san." I said with a smile. Bokuto-san started pouting and we both took the next bus and sat down. It'd take around 20 minutes from where we lived to the cemetery, so the ride wouldn't take too long. Or so I thought, but after only five minutes Bokuto-san stood up, grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bus which was standing still at a station. I was confused and didn't know his intentions, why would he suddenly do that? I looked around and tried to confirm our location, and when the bus drove away and I saw across the street, I noticed. On the other side of the street was a small store named "Capital of Flowers"; it was a flower shop.

"Let's go!" he said as he grabbed my hand, pulled me across the street and we entered the store.

"Welcome. How can I help you?" the florist welcomed us friendly.

"I'd like to buy a floral bouquet!" Bokuto-san said. While he was talking to the florist I looked around the store. It was bigger than it looked from the outside and it was filled with a wide diversity of flowers. Every colour of the rainbow and even more must have been assembled in the store, it was a very pretty sight. And the scent of different flowers rounded the overall ambience.

"What for will you need it, sir?" the florist asked Bokuto-san while she took some tools out of a drawer and put it on the counter.

"I don't really mind which flowers are in it, but Red Camellias have to be there, that's the only thing I want." he said.

"I see, are you familiar with the language of flowers, sir?" she asked him.

"I am a bit, nothing much though." he answered with a smile.

"Alright, let's see what I can do."

"Thanks!" Bokuto-san looked happy. I knew that he probably wanted to buy the flowers for my mother, and that made me really happy. I had to hold back the tears, so I turned around again and continued to look at the flowers in the store. I didn't know why he insisted on Red Camellias, but knowing Bokuto-san he must have had his reasons. As I was gazing around, a flower pot with light purple flowers caught my eyes. I approached it and looked at them closely, something about the colour held me captive, it was a very pretty colour.

"Are you interested in those?" Bokuto-san suddenly asked. He was standing right behind me and scared me, I was caught off-guard.

"N-no. I mean, I don't know. What flower is this?" I asked him, trying to hide my red face under my scarf.

"That's an Aster." he said.

"Aster…" I looked at the flower again.

"Remembrance." he said.

"Huh?"

"That's what they mean. They say 'I'll never forget you.' in the language of flowers." he grinned at me. I stared at Bokuto-san.

 _I'll never forget you._

I repeated the sentence in my head. I didn't have to think any longer and turned to the florist.

"Uhm, excuse me. When you're finished with the bouquet, I'd like to buy this Aster, please." I said to her.

"Alright, no problem. I shall tend to it afterwards, sir." she said with a smile.

"Thank you." I smiled back.

After roughly ten minutes she had finished arranging the bouquet and wrapped up the flower pot with the Aster I wanted. I asked her if it'd be possible to leave the flower pot at the store and fetch it on our way back. I neither wanted to carry it around all the time and nor risking dropping it somewhere and breaking it. The florist said it'd be no problem and that I could come and get it whenever I wanted, she'd put it aside. I thanked her, we both paid and then left the store.

"Now we can go to where we were going before!" Bokuto-san said.

"Alright." I smiled back at him. We waited for the next bus and after another 15 minutes of driving we arrived at the nearest bus station to the cemetery and stepped out of the bus.

"We'll have to walk for about five more minutes and then we'll be there." I said.

"Alrighty! I've never been to a cemetery before, I don't really know how I'm supposed to act and stuff." Bokuto-san seemed a bit worried.

"It's okay, just be yourself." I said to him.

"Oh, I can do that! Yeah!" he put his hands up in the air, forgetting he was carrying a bouquet and causing it to rustle. He noticed immediately and quickly lowered his arms again, hiding his embarrassment behind the bouquet. I couldn't help but laugh.

"We're here." I said as I opened the squeaking rusty gates.

"Wow, how cliché. As if something bad will happen. The harbinger of chaos, haha!" Bokuto-san started laughing but stopped shortly afterwards.

"I'm sorry, let's continue." he said looking as if he wanted to behave, even though I told him it'd be okay to be himself. There were different paved ways, so without knowing where you were headed you could easily become lost in the cemetery. The more you entered it the thicker the trees were growing; there was a forest next to the cemetery after all. After walking past some graves, I stopped, turned around and faced one small grave in between of the other bigger ones.

"I'm back, mom." I said almost inaudible. Bokuto-san was still standing a few steps behind of me, but then he approached the grave as well. At first he didn't say anything, he was just looking at the tombstone. It was a rather simple one, just a plain old tombstone. Not many ornaments nor a special shape. Why? When my mom passed away no one wanted to spend too much money on it, why would they? I myself neither had the money nor the right to decide on it and everyone else didn't really care that much about it. And that's why it only was a simple, little tombstone. Only my mom's name, Miko Akaashi, and her date of birth and death were engraved on it. No more, no less. The only things decorating the grave were the wildflowers and weeds growing around of it.

After a while of silence, Bokuto-san stood up again, placed the bouquet in front of the tombstone, put his hands together and closed his eyes. I stood right next to him and did the same and prayed for my mom. I thanked her for everything once again. When I opened my eyes again Bokuto-san was bowing down to the grave. He didn't say anything and I didn't know what he was doing.

"B-Bokuto-sa…"

"Thank you for everything you did, Miss Akaashi. You can be proud of your son, he became a fine young man and I really like him! It's a shame that we could never meet, I would've loved to meet you once. I wish that you may rest in peace and watch over your son for as long as you can and want. Thank you!" he was yelling, still bowing down to the grave. My hands were covering my mouth and my eyes were probably red from all the tears I was crying at that moment. I had expected him to do many things, but I didn't expect that. I was overflowing with emotions and I didn't know how to react to them, so I just kept on crying. Bokuto-san noticed, turned towards me and put his arms around me. He was hugging me, but I felt too emotionally tired to put my arms around him, so I just let him hug me. He put his head on my shoulder and started whispering into my ear.

"I'm sorry, I didn't intend to make you cry. It's just that I really wanted to thank your mother. From the way I perceived it and how you talked about her she must've been a very great person. I wasn't lying when I said I would've liked to meet her, that's the truth. In fact, I think it's rare to find such a strong woman and mother, pained by the flow of fate and still doing whatever she could to live. To live and raise you to what you are today. I wanted you to know how I feel about you, her and what you've went through. It's not much, but at least I wanted to say my thanks with some flowers. Did you know? The Red Camellias also have a meaning in the language of flowers. They mean 'perishing with grace', so I thought they'd fit. I'm sure your mother was a very graceful person. So that's that. Thank you, Akaashi." he said at last and continued hugging me. My tears continued flowing down my face and I finally put my hands around Bokuto-san. I didn't only hug him, I grabbed the back of his jacket. I wanted to hold him in my arms as strong as I could. I never wanted to let go of him ever again. I asked myself if he could even begin to imagine how much I held him dear.

After I had calmed down I let go of him again. He did the same and we both were looking at my mother's grave again.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san. I really appreciate what you did and said. I… I really do." I was still drying my tears as I said that. Bokuto-san only looked at me with a smile, and I smiled back.

"You say when you wanna go home, okay?" he said.

"Let's go now. It's okay. I think she's happy, she never had this many visitors." I said and laughed bittersweetly.

"Well then…"

"I, too, think she would've loved to have met you, Bokuto-san."

"Thank you Akaashi. Shall we go then?"

"Yes. Mom… Thank you. I'll be back." and having said that we started walking back. It was colder than when we entered, and it was getting dark already. For a while we didn't talk to each other, but then Bokuto-san started a conversation.

"I could get used to this." he said.

"This?" I didn't know what he meant.

"Yeah, kinda reminds me of _Memento mori._ "

"Memento mori? What does that mean?"

"It's Latin and it means 'remember that you must die'. It reminds me of how precious life itself is and that it's important to live your life to the fullest. To live it as if every day could be your last. And that is how I decided to walk down my path, living it to the fullest, doing what I want, doing what I like; for as long as I can!" he said while looking skywards. I followed his gaze and saw clouds passing by. It was getting windy and chilly. Without me noticing Bokuto-san had already grabbed my hand.

But suddenly I felt something. It was an ominous feeling which I couldn't quite designate. But then Bokuto-san suddenly pulled me closer to him.

"Akaashi, don't panic, but it seems like there's someone following us." he whispered. I myself didn't panic, but my heart did all the more and started beating faster. Why was there someone following us? Who could it be? Someone Bokuto-san knew? Why should someone follow me I thought to myself. Bokuto-san accelerated the pace and we started walking faster, but so did the person behind of us. I looked back quickly and saw it was an older man of about 50 years and he was clearly staring at me when I looked back. I felt fear. For a long time I felt fear again, and I didn't like it at all. All of a sudden Bokuto-san stopped, turned around and started yelling.

"Hey! You! What do you want from us?! Leave us alone or I'll call the police!" he yelled at the man chasing us. I wasn't able to say anything, I was just standing there and observing the situation in fear. The man didn't stop walking, instead he kept approaching us.

"Akaashi, get behind of me." Bokuto-san said with a serious tone and I did as I was told.

"Y-youuu!" the man started talking and closed in.

"I said to leave us alone!" Bokuto-san got angry.

"Not you, you!" the man pointed at Bokuto-san first and then he switched to me.

"M-me?" I was scared.

"You! It's all your fault. If you weren't there nothing would've happened! It's all your fault!" the man stopped a few steps in front of us.

"Wh-what do you mean?!" I was confused.

"It's your fault that she died! Your fault that…" the man stopped his breath for a few seconds. What was he talking about?

"…your fault that Miko had to die!" he was yelling at me.

Miko?

Mom?!

"…n-no. D-dad?!" I was shocked and even more scared than before.

"It's all your fault, Keiji!" he continued screaming. Tears started coming from my eyes. No. No it couldn't have been him. How? Why? Why now after all the time that passed?! I stepped aside and wanted to talk to my father.

"Dad, I…"

"Akaashi watch out!" I heard Bokuto-san scream and then he pushed me away. I tripped and fell down on the ground.

"All… all your fault!" I heard dad say and then I heard how someone was running away. My head was hurting, but I tried to get up, only to see the worst scene of my life unfolding in front of me; for the second time. Bokuto-san was lying on the floor, curled while in tremendous pain, blood spilling from a wound in his abdomen.

My eyes widened in despair and disbelief and I screamed out in fear.

"Bokuto-san!"


	8. 8 - Void

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 8 – Void

It was cold.

It had been a long time since I felt as cold as I did in that moment. I was crouching on a chair in the corner of the room, trying to block off the world. I didn't want to accept what had happened in front of my eyes, I didn't want to relive the same situation like years ago. I didn't want to think about that Bokuto-san could've…

I quickly shook off the thought and lowered my head onto my knees. I wasn't crying, it seemed like I had already cried my eyes out on the cemetery and on the way to the hospital. I was just scared. Terribly scared of being left alone once again. Terribly scared of losing Bokuto-san.

I stayed in that position for who knows how much time; it felt like an eternity, but then I heard someone call out to me.

"Akaashi-san?" the voice said.

"Y-yes?" I slowly raised my head and looked around me to see a doctor standing a few meters away from me. I felt how I had no more strength left in my body, but nonetheless I somehow managed to get up on my feet and walk over to him.

"Akaashi-san, you were the one that called the ambulance and accompanied the patient, is that correct?" he asked while looking through some papers he was holding.

"Yes, that's right." I said with a low voice.

"Alright, may I ask what your relationship with the patient… uhm…" he was looking for something in between of all those sheets.

"Ah, there. What is your relationship with Bokuto-san?" he asked finally. Apparently he had been looking for Bokuto-san's name.

"I… we live together, I'm… a friend." I said hesitantly.

"I see…" he wrote something down.

"Uhm…" I wanted to ask him something.

"Yes?" he faced me again.

"Uh, about… Bokuto-san's condition…"

"Don't worry, Akaashi-san. The patient's out of the woods, the surgery was a success. He's sleeping at the moment. If you want to visit him then please do so. We'll make sure to contact Bokuto-san's family, alright?" the doctor smiled at me.

I didn't manage to say anything and only nodded, tears already flowing down my face. The tears of sadness had been replaced with tears of relief and I started running towards Bokuto-san's room. Without taking a break I rushed into his room and stopped in front of his bed.

He was lying in a bed, cables and various other medical gadgets hanging from him and plugged into machines. The light was turned off and the curtains were closed. The only things making noise in there were the ECG monitoring Bokuto-san's heartbeat and the inner noise of my own heartbeat, resonating through my entire body.

It was the first time I was seeing Bokuto-san in motionlessness. The light he had always been emitting until now seemed like it had vanished completely and everything in the room was dark. But he was alive, he was sleeping safe and sound, given the circumstances. I took a chair, put it next to his bed and sat down. I didn't know what to do at first but after a while I started holding his hand; I didn't want to let him go again.

"Bokuto-san." I whispered. I knew he probably wouldn't hear me, but I started nonetheless.

"Stupid Bokuto-san, why did you do that? There was no need for you to step in front of me. You know you could've died from it? Do you know how sad… how… heartbroken I would've been? Do you…" I stopped talking for a moment, I had to take a deep breath. I strengthened my grip and moved my head down until my forehead touched his hand I was holding. I remained in that position for some minutes, tears slowly falling down my face.

"Th… thank you, stupid Bokuto-san." I said almost inaudible and continued crying.

I didn't know how much time had passed since I entered his room, but all of a sudden someone patted my head.

"Why are you crying, Akaashi?" I heard Bokuto-san's weak voice while he continued patting my head.

I slowly raised my head and looked at him, just to see him smiling with a sleepy expression. Light seemed to be returning slowly to the room and I lowered my head again, continuing what I was doing before.

"I'm sorry." he said.

"Don't say that, it was all my fault. Again. Everything goes wrong because of me!"

"Akaashi, I-"

"Everyone would be better off if I weren't arou-"

"Akaashi!" Bokuto-san raised his voice and I looked up again. At the same time he flicked my forehead.

"Ow, wha-"

"I don't want to hear you say that ever again, okay?!" he sounded upset and angry at the same time. I dried my tears and took a deep breath.

"…okay, Bokuto-san. I'm sorry." I decided to trust in Bokuto-san's words, just like I had done before lots of times already.

"Good!" he smiled again.

"I… I was just so… so, so scared that I might've lost you, I couldn't bear the thought, and… and…" I stopped. I looked at his eyes; they were sparkling right back at me.

"Don't worry anymore, I'm a tough fellow. I'll be out of here faster than you think. And then we'll go back home, together. Okay?" he grinned at me and gave me hope again.

"Yes, Bokuto-san." I said with a smile and small tears in my eyes.

After I spent some more time talking to Bokuto-san, a nurse came into the room telling me that visitors had to leave the hospital in about half an hour. I asked her if it were possible to stay the night somewhere near Bokuto-san, but she apologized and said I had no other choice than to go home and come back another day. Bokuto-san needed time to rest, she said. I understood what she meant, but nonetheless I wanted to stay by his side, I didn't want to risk losing him again. But when he saw how I didn't want to leave his side, he stretched out his hand skywards, formed a fist and declared his will to the world.

"I, Koutarou Bokuto, will leave this hospital as soon as I can!" he yelled at the ceiling.

"Bokuto-san! Please remain silent!" the nurse scolded him.

"And you, Akaashi!" he now pointed at me.

"Y-yes?" I asked.

"You're gonna go home and take care of everything until I return, alright?!" he grinned again.

"Yes." I said with a smile, bowed down to the nurse, thanked her for taking care of him and then left the room.

The cold I felt earlier had vanished completely and warmth filled my body again.

"I'm going to tell him as soon as he's back." I said to myself and started walking away.

When I arrived home and closed the door I noticed a change. Bokuto-san wasn't in the apartment. It was quiet, almost too quiet. The lights were turned off and nothing was making any noise. It reminded me of the dark and seemingly empty hospital room Bokuto-san was lying in, but this time no one was around. Except for me, I was the only one standing in the void. It felt like the lingering shadows around of me started moving on their own. They were like a beast waiting for its prey. I tried to shake of those thoughts, but the shadows kept on getting closer. The void was trying to engulf me and I couldn't do anything about it. The more I tried not to think of it, the more my imagination started moving on its own. But then I remembered Bokuto-san's words. He would return, he said. I had to believe in him. I slapped myself on the cheeks a few times and returned to reality, Bokuto-san's smile appearing in my mind, calming my heart beat and myself. The first thing I heard after that was Owlbert greeting me as I entered the living room and turned on the light.

"Good evening Owlbert." I said to him.

"Good evening to you too, Professor." I said to the other owl as it hooted.

"I'm sorry but Bokuto-san won't be returning for a while, he's in the hospital and has to take it easy. I hope you're okay with me taking care of you in the meantime." I looked at both of them. They turned their heads to each other as if to discuss something and then turned back to me, both hooting in unison; I guessed they had accepted my reasoning.

"Thank you!" I said and entered the kitchen to prepare dinner, I was getting hungry.

After I had eaten and washed the dishes I sat down on the couch and watched TV until I got sleepy, brushed my teeth and went to bed. I quickly fell asleep because I tried not to think of anything unnecessary. And just like that, the first night without Bokuto-san had passed.

The almost exact same procedure continued for a few days until I finally got a phone call from the hospital. They called to tell me that Bokuto-san was allowed to leave the hospital in two more days. I was overjoyed when I heard the news and told the owls, although I still don't know if they can actually understand what we tell them.

The days passed with no further incidents and when I was heading to the hospital I was filled with joy again. The first thing I had to do was fill out some forms. While I was standing at the reception and filling out the blanks on the sheet of paper, I suddenly heard someone calling out to me from behind.

"Akaashi!" it was Bokuto-san's voice. I quickly turned around to see him standing there; but he wasn't standing.

"Ah, this? Don't worry, I'm only in a wheelchair because it still hurts when I walk, haha-oww… It also hurts if I laugh too much." he said as cheerful as ever.

"Akaashi-san, please make sure he rests for at least another week. If possible let him move and walk around as little as possible. It would be best for him to stay in bed. And if nothing goes wrong he'll be back to normal soon, okay?" the doctor standing behind of Bokuto-san said to me.

"Yes, I understand. Thank you very much." I said and bowed down.

"Don't worry, it's my job." he said with a smile, excused himself and walked away.

"Let's go home, Akaashi!" Bokuto-san said.

"Yes!" I said with a smile and started pushing the wheelchair.

As soon as we arrived home Bokuto-san started yelling.

"I'm home! Hello Owlbert! Hello Professor! How have you been?!" he yelled. The owls didn't answer him.

"Maybe they have forgotten about you." I said jokingly.

"Whaaaat? No, that'd be terrible." he said and rolled his chair into the living room. The scene somehow reminded me of my mom and her being in a wheelchair too. Tears started forming in my eyes, but I dried them off, telling myself over and over again that it wouldn't end like that again.

"Ohh, the aster!" I heard Bokuto-san say from the living room. I followed him there.

"Yes, I thought it'd be a nice spot to put them on. Speaking of which, I need to water them." I said as I walked into the kitchen to get the watering can.

"Perfect spot, Akaashi!" he said.

"Thank you."

The evening passed by quickly and we both went to bed soon.

Once again the days passed with no further incidents and Bokuto-san had been discharged from hospital for a few days already. Everything seemed to be going well. One day, it had already become dark, Bokuto-san asked me a favour.

"Say, Akaashi? Would you mind quickly going out now?" he asked.

"What for, isn't it already too late?"

"I feel like eating ice cream!"

"Excuse me?"

"Ice cream." he grinned at me.

"Really? But it's cold."

"One can always eat ice cream!" he said with a serious face.

"Alright then." I sighed and stood up.

"Thanks Akaashi!"

"Anything's fine?" I asked as I put on my coat.

"Yup!"

"Alright, I'll be right back then." I said while opening the door.

"Have a safe trip, Akaashi." he said as I closed the door.

"Typical Bokuto-san." I said to myself and chuckled.

The streets seemed abandoned, almost no people were walking around. It was dark and only the street lamps were giving off some light in the dark. I continued walking through the dark night and began thinking of Bokuto-san. Since he had been discharged from the hospital I still had no chance to tell him my feelings, even though I had planned to do so as soon as he would be back home. But there was never a moment to tell him, so I had been delaying it all the time. But I didn't plan on waiting any longer. Faster than I noticed I arrived at the store, bought some ice cream, payed, and walked out of the store again. The streets seemed even emptier than before. I felt how it was getting colder too; I had forgotten to take my scarf.

As I started walking back I thought to myself how I should confess to him. What should I say to him? How could I tell him how I really felt? Should I just say it bluntly in one go or not? Questions like those were swirling around in my head and I didn't know what to do anymore. Was it okay to tell him how I felt? Would it be a bother? How would he react? As I kept on asking myself more questions, another one, a different one popped up in my head. How did _he_ feel? What did Bokuto-san really feel? What did he want for himself? I had only kept on asking what _I_ felt and wanted, but I never thought about what it would mean for him. I figured I had to ask him as soon as I got back, there was no other way of knowing.

I didn't notice while being in thought, but after I stopped asking myself all those questions, I looked around and it had started snowing again. I stopped beneath a street lamp that was giving off a dim light. I looked skywards and observed the slowly falling snow.

"…when I'm back, I'm going to tell him." I said to myself with a smile as I put my hand on my chest. I looked at the street lamp's light and how it was illuminating the dark night. I couldn't help but think of Bokuto-san and smile again. But just as I started smiling, the lamp's weak light went out and completely vanished.

Leaving me behind in the cold and lonesome darkness.


	9. 9 - To my beloved Akaashi

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 9 – "To my beloved Akaashi…"

As soon as the light vanished, for some reason, I started running. I wanted to get home as fast as I could. My body started moving even before my mind could realize what was happening. While running I slowly started noticing the reason for my actions, I was scared. I panicked, I wanted to get to Bokuto-san's side as quickly as possible.

I was already out of breath when I reached the building, but nonetheless I ran upstairs. Panting and breathing heavily I continued upstairs, the stairs didn't seem to end, like they didn't want me to reach my goal, not giving me what I wanted most at that moment.

I reached the entrance door and opened it at once.

"Bokuto-san!" I yelled into the apartment.

"Bokuto-san!" I repeated it.

But I didn't get any answer. Still breathing heavily I took of my coat and slowly started walking towards the living room. When I turned around the corner I let go of the bag with the ice cream and it fell on the floor.

Time stopped. Everything around me seemed to have stopped movement and froze in time. Only I was walking as if in slow motion towards Bokuto-san, who was lying on the couch. He was lying there, covered with a blanket, as if he were sleeping. When I got next to him, I saw a piece of paper on his chest. It looked like an envelope. When I focused my eyes on it I could read the words "To Akaashi…" and as I did, my legs became weak and I fell down on my knees. Kneeling in front of the sleeping Bokuto-san, I took the envelope and suddenly the words written on it became blurred. The words' black ink dissolved into an unreadable pool of blackness and tears. I tried to dry up my tears a bit, opened the envelope and started reading Bokuto-san's letter.

"To my beloved Akaashi…

Uhm… I don't know where to start with this, but I guess I'll just start on the day our story started. Remember the day I met you in the park? You were sitting all alone on the bench and I decided to sit down on it to. Why? Well, to be honest I had just left my doctor's office that day. I was there for one of my regular check-ups. You see, I've never told you, but the truth is I've been suffering from a certain blood disease since I was young. Monthly check-ups were routine for me for as long as I can think back, so I guess I got used to it. Nevertheless, these past few weeks the check-ups were held more often, until that one day. I was told that I probably didn't have much time left. I had always known that getting healed from the disease had a very low probability, since I'd need a major blood donation, but finding the right donator was very difficult. So I faced my destiny; I accepted it.

But then, when I left my doctor's office and walked around aimlessly, I arrived at a park and saw you sitting there. I thought to myself that I had nothing to lose if I talked to you, so I decided to approach you. Now I am very glad that I decided to do so. At first I didn't expect anything from you, what could I possibly expect from someone who seemed to be living on the streets? But after I tried some small talk, I felt stupid for talking about such mundane things like the weather. I wanted to apologize for saying such stupid things, but I didn't. I'm sorry. When I looked up and snow fell on my face, I put out my tongue and caught some snowflakes; I had always done that when I was young, I liked the feeling. When I said you should try it out as well and told you that life's too short, I think I was probably thinking about my own life at that moment. I wanted to talk to someone about my situation, but I didn't want to bother a stranger with my problems and worries. I decided to leave you alone, and after knowing for sure that you indeed had nowhere to go, I wanted to help you a bit, so that's why I gave you the money. I'm happy you took it, it may have been selfish of me back then, thinking I could be of help to someone else, but I really wanted to give it to you.

On the next day I decided to visit that bench again. For some reason I wanted to know if you'd be there again, and since I had nothing else to do… Anyways, when I got there and saw how you were catching snowflakes with your tongue it made me happy. I was glad I had made you do it, it showed me you did care at least a bit about what I did the day before. I approached you again and sat down on the bench, this time I wanted to talk more with you. But what should two strangers talk about? I decided, that if I wanted to know more about someone, I had to take the first step. And so I started talking about myself, but I didn't mention my disease. I thought it'd be best if you didn't know. But I did tell you lots of other things. Thinking back now, I must've acted like some madman, but I meant what I said back then. I wanted to create memories that could last forever, and back then I thought to myself I wouldn't mind if you were part of those memories. And then, when you told me your name, I was happy, I was genuinely happy that you told me your name. It showed me that you didn't mind if I became closer to you, and that made me very happy.

I think I really started to think 'I want to help him.' after you told me about your past. I remember clearly how you were trying your hardest to tell me your story. I remember how strong you were when speaking, how strong you tried not to cry but some tears still flowed down your cheeks. I didn't want to interrupt you, I wanted to give you my full attention and listen to everything you wanted to say. I thought that you haven't had the chance to speak about your stuff to anyone else, so I was sure it'd be somewhat liberating for you. Was it liberating for you? Or did I stress you too much on that matter? And then, after you finished talking, you still looked like there was something inside of you that wanted to be freed. You said how I reminded you of your mother… I can honestly say, that was the most heart-warming thing anyone had ever said to me. After listening to your story and learning about your dear mother, I couldn't help but think that she had been a very strong and respectable person, and I wasn't lying when we visited her grave, I would've loved it to have met her. So when you finished your story and told me that, I couldn't hold back anymore. It was like my arms moved on their own and started hugging you as strong as they could. And when I said it was okay to cry, you finally cried. It seemed like the things that have been trapping you in your past had finally left you, like you were ready to try and start anew, and I wanted to be the one to help you. If my remaining time wasn't long anymore, I at least wanted to help someone to make the best out of their life, and I never regretted that the person I met then was you, Akaashi.

Don't ask me why I came up with the idea to go shopping that very instant, I still don't completely understand it myself. But in my mind I had already formed a plan, to help you on your first steps back into life. And the first one was to get you a job, and therefore you needed some new clothes. I'm happy you came along, because you didn't have any reasons to accompany me, you could've just said no and I wouldn't have forced you. I wanted to help you in something you yourself wanted to achieve, there would've been no meaning if I had forced you. Oh and, you'll have to excuse me for… that one thing… in the shop, you know… the… skirt. I don't know what went through my mind at that moment, but I somehow wanted to see your reaction. And I was curious about whether you'd try it on for me or not, but of course you wouldn't, right? And before you start asking about why I invited you to my new apartment… Since I knew my fate, I wanted to try out all the things I hadn't done yet. And so I told my family that I wanted to live on my own, even if only for a little while. My mom didn't want that at first, but my dad convinced her to let me live my life like I wanted to. So they helped me find an apartment where I could live for myself. I told them yet another thing as well, that I wanted to live with someone I deeply cared about, with someone who I could proudly say 'I want to spend the rest of my life with that person.'. And my wish was fulfilled.

I didn't ask my dad beforehand when I pulled you to his company, as you may have noticed that day. But I knew he had a job to give to someone, and I was sure you could handle it. I think I also wanted you to meet my dad, I can't really say why though. Also, the thing I asked you when we got home… At first, I wasn't sure if I could just ask you like that, but I told myself I had to take the chance, no matter what your answer would be. Because I think I slowly started to change, I think my feelings of wanting to help you as a friend were steadily growing into feelings of wanting to help you as more as only a friend, feelings of wanting to stay by your side. And that's why I asked you out.

Before I fell asleep in my bed, I tried to think of things we could do on our date the next day. There were lots of ideas floating in my head, but after thinking about it for a while, I decided on what I wanted to show you. Since the orphanage had become an important part of my life, I wanted to see if I could entrust the children to someone else after I was gone. So it was the perfect chance to introduce them to you. I had always lots of fun when I visited them and they, too, seemed to be having fun when I was around and played with them. And I wanted you to meet Yukito. I wanted you to meet him in particular because there were parts of him that reminded me of you. And since I knew you could play the violin and I also knew he owned one, I wanted to give you the opportunity to play on your beloved instrument once more. And then, when you played on it… I think that was the moment I realized my feelings for you. The whole image you were giving off. There was some kind of dignity around of you when you were playing the violin, it seemed like that was the real Keiji Akaashi that was hiding behind his current self. And I wanted to help you even more from that point onwards, I wanted to help the person I fell for.

After that I wanted to eat in a restaurant together with you. I'm glad I chose that option, because on that day I learned even more things about you, and I could also tell you more things about me, my family, Yukito and the other children. I was happy that someone was eagerly listening to what I said. I really enjoyed talking to you like that, I wish we could've repeated that. After having finished eating we walked around aimlessly for a while, I did have one last plan in mind, but I thought it was too early. That's why we were just walking around, I'm sorry I didn't have any other ideas to pass time. But then you told me that you never went on top of Tokyo Tower and I decided to take you there. I has always liked the view from up there, one could almost see to every far-reaching end of Tokyo. I clearly remember how your eyes were sparkling in excitement when you saw the view.

Since I knew one of the movies I wanted to watch was being screened in the cinemas at that time, I asked you if you'd like to watch it too. You agreed and we entered a cinema, and after the movie ended we went to café and started talking about lots of things again. That day was the first time we were holding hands while walking around. At first I was unsure about whether you'd want to hold hands with me, but after a few failed attempts I took all my courage and reached out to your hand, grabbing it and hoping you wouldn't let go of it. But you didn't and we were able to walk hand in hand for the rest of the night. When we got home again I wanted to go straight to bed, but then you grabbed my arm before I entered the bedroom. I was puzzled, I didn't know what you wanted, but I knew I wanted to hear it. And when you finally told me that you wanted to visit your mother's grave and asked me if I'd like to accompany you, I couldn't hold back anymore. I leaned forwards and when you looked up again I kissed you. I wasn't thinking about anything in that moment, my body moved on its own, but I'm glad it did, I think I wouldn't have done that otherwise. As I agreed on accompanying you I held to hold back my tears and after I entered the bedroom and closed the door, I hoped you wouldn't follow me immediately, I didn't want you to see me crying.

Everything I did on the next day I did it with heart and soul. Preparing breakfast, buying the flowers in the flower shop, visiting your mother's grave, thanking her… Even the talk about Memento mori. You may have not known back then, but I was living by that saying, I enjoyed every day as if it were my last. And as long as I could spend it with you, I wouldn't need anything else to be happy. But then that incident happened. I was shocked when I learned that the attacker was your father, but I don't regret protecting you. I didn't want anything to happen to you… Kind of pathetic considering why I am writing this right now…

I'm really sorry to what I put you through, but I was very happy every time you came to visit me in the hospital, and in between the times you visit me, I started writing this letter to you. You know, since that incident my condition didn't really improve, if anything else it got worse. So I took the opportunity and started writing this letter, because, after all, I'm too much of a coward to face you and talk to you about it. But I didn't want to leave you with nothing, so at least I felt obliged to write you something. I just wanted to let you know about my side of our little story, even if I know it's not much.

The days when I could go back home, the days we're spending right now together, I can gladly say I've never been so happy in my entire life. Meeting you was the greatest gift I was given, and I am thankful for every minute I spent with you.

I love you, Keiji.

I know I'm a coward for not telling it to you in person, but… I wouldn't be able to bear it, I probably would start crying because… Oh, huh? How strange… Oh, I'm sorry if you can't read what I just wrote, but for some reason tears won't stop flowing down my face and fall onto the paper, how silly of me. I know, what I'm doing right now isn't right, but I couldn't think of any better way. When it comes to you my brain seems to stop working properly, I wonder why? Is that also one of the side effects of loving someone? Because there's one last thing I want to tell you.

I'll be honest, when my doctor told me I probably didn't have much time left, I lost hope. I lost the will to live, the will to fight back, I was ready to give up; but then I met you. You were like a small light that was about to go out, but I wanted to help you become a bright light again. A bright light that could guide others, and by meeting this small light, by seeing how it hasn't given up completely, I regained my strength. I met you and by wanting to help you I regained my hope, I wanted to continue helping you. And even now, I want to continue helping you. I want to continue loving you. I want to continue living with you. I want to continue making memories with you. I want to continue going on dates with you. I want to continue visiting Yukito and the others.

I want to stay by your side. Forever.

But I know… I can't. Because… when you're reading this letter it's probably already too late. It'll be too late to continue doing all those things, and I can't apologize enough to you. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry.

But I thank you. I'm grateful for everything you gave me, for every moment I could spend by your side. And if it's not asking too much, I'd like you to not forget about me. I hope this memories won't be too sorrowful for you, please keep them as happy memories of our time together, it'd make me happy if you did. And I know this may be asking too much, but you don't need to grieve for me. I'll always be with you. Whenever you think of me, we will be together. There's no need to be sad. Live your life to the fullest.

And smile."

I strengthened the grip on the sheets of the letter he had written me, like it would go away if I didn't hold it firmly with both of my hands. I closed my eyes and buried my face into the blanket and started crying.

"…unfair." I said almost inaudible.

"That's… unfair, stupid Bokuto-san…" I whispered as I continued crying.


	10. 10 - New light

Ano hi no mitsuketa hakanai hikari

The fleeting light I found that day

Chapter 10 – New light

A bit more than one year had passed since I received that letter.

It didn't take much time until I changed my working place. I started working as a caregiver at the orphanage Yukito was living, I liked working with the children and taking care of them, it helped distract me from other things. And after working there for a few months, I finally made the decision and asked the director if it'd be alright to adopt Yukito. He had become an important person for me, and I wanted to grant him a family; even though I liked all the children living there and hoped for all of them to find a family and become even happier than they already were.

"Kei-chan, Kei-chan. Look what I have drawn!"

"Hm? What did you draw, Mimi?" I asked her.

"I drew Kei-chan riding a dinosaur." she said proudly.

"Ohh, that looks amazing. But why am I riding a dinosaur? Aren't they dangerous?"

"No, this one isn't. It's a nice dinosaur and he only eats strawberries."

"Really? Are strawberries his favourite food?"

"Yes, he loooooves them!" she waved her arms around to show how much the dinosaur liked strawberries.

"That's great, thank you for the drawing." I said, patted her head and took the drawing.

"I'll make sure to hang it on my wall at home, okay?" I smiled.

"Yes!" she smiled as well.

"Akaashi-san, it's already time." Yamamoto-san entered the room.

"Hm? But work hasn't ended yet for another f-"

"You don't want to be late when Yukito finishes his first day of school, do you?" she asked me.

"Is it really okay for me to leave earlier?"

"Sure, I'll take care of the beasts." she laughed.

"Waaahhh, Yama-chan called us beasts!" Mimi exclaimed.

"Let's attack her then!" the other kids joined and they started running towards Yamamoto-san.

"Are you sure Yamamoto-san?" I asked.

"Yes yes, now get going!"

"Alright, thank you for your hard work today. Until tomorrow then." I bowed down to her.

"Bye bye." she tried waving her arm, but the kids had already clung around her.

"Bye guys!" I waved my arms to the kids.

"Bye Kei-chan!" they said simultaneously.

I quickly changed clothes and left the building. I took the next train and ten minutes later I was in front of Yukito's school. I waited for some minutes and then the children started leaving the school, their first day had ended. When I saw Yukito I was surprised seeing a girl pushing his wheelchair, I didn't think he'd already find a friend on the first day.

"Oh, hello!" Yukito said when he saw me and started waving his arms.

"Hello Yukito, how was your first day?" I asked him as I patted his head.

"Awesome! I love school! Ohh, this is Aiko Hanamaru-san. She helped me with lots of things today!" Yukito said.

"H-hello, n-nice to meet you, Akaashi-san." she bowed down nervously.

"How do you know my name?" I was confused.

"E-eh?! W-well, you're Yukito-kun's father and, w-we had to introduce ourselves today." she was too nervous to look at me while explaining.

"Me? No, I'm just…" I wanted to explain that I wasn't Yukito's biological dad.

"Yup, he's my dad!" Yukito grinned. I couldn't help but smile. I crouched down to meet her eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Aiko-chan. Thanks for taking care of Yukito." I said with a smile. She blushed embarrassed but then started grinning too.

"I-I have to go to the bus now, s-see you tomorrow Yukito-kun. Bye bye Akaashi-san." she bowed down politely.

"See you tomorrow Hanamaru-san!"

"Introductions, huh?" I said as I started pushing the wheelchair.

"Yes, I introduced myself as Yukito Akaashi!"

"I thought I told you that you can still keep your family name."

"You did, but I want to use your name, Keiji. Since you're my dad now!" he turned around as he said that. It made me happy to hear him saying that, it showed me that he didn't mind that I had adopted him.

It was a sunny spring day so we decided to take a walk. Whenever I we did this I couldn't help but think of my mother. It reminded me of the days where I always walked around with her, pushing her wheelchair and spending time outside.

"We still have time before the promised meet-up time, what do you want to do?" I asked him.

"I wanna eat crepes! With strawberries and lots of cream!"

"You're such a sweet tooth, aren't you? Okay, let's look for a stand."

"Yay!"

"Oh, look. What a coincidence, I can already see one." I headed into its direction.

"Yay again!"

We reached the stand and ordered what we wanted.

"Hello. One with strawberries and cream and the other one with banana and chocolate."

"Alright." the man said as he started making the crepes. After roughly two minutes he had finished and handed over the crepes.

"Thank you!" Yukito said.

"You're welcome, have a nice day." the man said and we started walking again.

"Shall we sit down somewhere so I can eat it too, Yukito?"

"Shure." he said, already taking a bite from his crepe.

"Is next to the fountain okay?" I asked and he only nodded, he was too busy with eating. I headed to the fountain and sat down on its border, positioning Yukito in a way he could look at the fountain. We didn't talk while eating; in fact, I probably wouldn't have understood him anyway, he was stuffing the crepe down his throat without taking a break to do anything else, he really liked crepes.

"Done!" he said after a few minutes.

"Already?" I asked and he grinned.

"Yukito, there's some cream on your cheeks."

"Oh." he cleaned it himself with a tissue.

"Better." I said and continued eating.

"The wind is blowing water into my face, it feels refreshing, haha!" Yukito seemed happy. A breeze started blowing, it was a very pretty day. The leaves of the trees were rustling and the wind caused some of them to fall down.

"The cherries will bloom soon, right?" Yukito asked me as he looked up at the tree.

"They should, yes. Want to go flower viewing together?" I asked him as I took the last bite of my crepe.

"Yes, I want to! With the whole family!" he said as he put his arms in the air.

"Alright, let's do that then." I smiled and stood up again.

"Keiji, can we go visit your mom's grave?" he asked me out of nowhere.

"Now?"

"Yes, I wanna tell her about my first day in school." he looked at me with serious eyes.

"Okay, if you want to, let's go."

"Thank you!" he smiled. It wasn't the first time I visited my mother's grave together with Yukito. The first time too, it was Yukito on his own who asked me if it was okay to visit her while he visited his parents. Despite his age, Yukito was already a great person with a very big and kind heart. It was like yet another new light had entered my life and started shining with all its might. I didn't know what to say when he had asked me, but I saw no reason to neglect him that wish, so we visited her. And after that we went to the graveyard almost every month, it became somewhat of a tradition of ours.

When we arrived at mom's grave we already had a routine of things we did. We first both prayed and then I exchanged the flowers in the pot. I had bought one to place it next to the tombstone so that the flowers we always brought would stay alive for a while longer. After that Yukito started talking about his first day of school and I cleaned her grave a bit. Even if there weren't many visitors I still wanted it to be the prettiest. After Yukito finished talking I thanked mom for keeping an eye on us and promised to come visit again and we both left the graveyard.

"Keiji, it's almost time. We should head back." Yukito said.

"Oh, you're right. We need to hurry or we'll be late and he'll be lost without us, won't he?" I asked and laughed.

"Probably, he's that kind of person after all." Yukito started laughing as well.

We headed back to the park we were in before and sat down on a bench. I looked skywards and closed my eyes. Whenever I sat down on that one bench I couldn't help but think of Bokuto-san. It was the bench where I met him for the first time, the place where our story started; I had a lot of memories about it.

Good memories and bad memories. Happy memories and sad memories. All kinds of memories were piling up inside my head and I relived them a lot of times. I would never forget the first time he talked to me, the first words he said to me. I would never forget the first time I accompanied him, he was a weird person right from the start, but that's what made him special. I would also never forget the time he asked me out on a date and the first time he kissed me. He probably didn't know that I loved him long before that and he would never understand just how much I still loved him and how my feelings would stay for as long as I lived. I thought about a lot of things while sitting on that bench, and also about that one night that changed everything.

"Ohhh! Keiji, he's here! He's here!" I heard Yukito say, opened my eyes and looked forward. I smiled; he was standing there just like we promised.

"Welcome back, Bokuto-san." I said with a big smile.

"Yo! Akaashi."

* * *

~one year ago~

* * *

"That's… unfair, stupid Bokuto-san…"

"…why is Akaashi crying? Am I in heaven?" I heard a weak voice. I widened my eyes in disbelief and slowly looked up. Bokuto-san had opened his eyes and was looking at me.

"…B… B-Bok…uto-s-san…?" I almost wasn't able to say anything because I was crying too much.

"Am I… still alive?" he continued.

"…" I was too weak from crying. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to react, I didn't know what was happening.

"…this is pretty embarrassing right now, hehe. Say, Akaash-" before he could say anything else I threw myself around his neck and hugged him as strong as I could. I started crying and sobbing again. I was able to talk to him, I was able to hear him. It wasn't too late, there was still time and then I managed to finally say something.

"…I love you, Bokuto-san. I… I l-love…" I started talking, but I got interrupted by my own tears, sobbing and running nose. I was at the end of my powers, but I didn't care. He had to know how I felt.

"I love you so much, Bokuto-san. I l…ove you, p-please… please don't… leave me…" I said, still crying and hugging him.

"I'm sorry to have scared you, Akaashi. I love you too." he said and started hugging me too. We stayed like that for a while.

* * *

~back in the present day~

* * *

"Beep! You both failed!" Yukito said suddenly.

"Eeeehhhhh?!" Bokuto-san was confused.

"I thought you had promised to call you by your first names when Koutarou would be released from the hospital?!" he continued.

"Crap, he's right Akaa-I-I mean… h-he's right… K-Keiji…"

"He's right, Koutarou-san."

"Ehhh, still with the honorific after all this time?!" Koutarou-san asked.

"Yes." I smiled at him.

He had told me about everything after the night I had received that letter. Since I read the letter, I already knew about his disease. He told me, that he was feeling extremely weak and tired that night and that he thought his time had come, that was why he sent me to get ice cream so he could fall asleep and pass away quietly, not having to needlessly worry me. But he was wrong, he was just really tired, apparently. When he opened his eyes that night and I could talk to him once again I was so happy I couldn't contain my feelings anymore. Everything broke out at once.

Not even waiting for the night to pass I called an ambulance and we were driven to the hospital were his doctor finally told me about everything in detail. He told that if he couldn't get a blood donation soon, it really would be his time to go. Without thinking I asked the doctor to examine my blood. If there existed the tiniest possibility that I could save him, I would do it. He agreed and the next day the examinations began. He told me it would take some days until they had the results, but that he would let us know immediately. In that time I didn't leave the hospital nor Koutarou-san's side even once, I stayed with him all the time and prayed for the best. I didn't want to lose him, I didn't want him to leave me. And then, after some days the doctor could finally tell us the results.

I fell down on my knees and started crying when I heard that I was the perfect donator to save Koutarou-san. Even he couldn't hold back his tears and started crying when he heard the news. The doctor said it would be possible to start the donation right away. I calmed down and told him to please proceed with everything that needed to be done. I had to stay in the hospital for a few days as well, since they had to draw a rather big amount of blood and that couldn't be done all at once. But as soon as that was done the treatment could start. He didn't tell us how much time it would take for Koutarou-san to feel better again, but he said that at most it would take a year. And that's what it took, but it went by in a flash thanks to Yukito, Yamamoto-san, all the other children and Koutarou-san's family. They were very happy when they heard what happened. When his father visited him once he even started crying in front of me, hugged me and thanked me from the bottom of his heart. Soon I got to meet the other members of Koutarou-san's family and they all thanked me. It was a very lovely family and it made me even happier knowing that I was part of the reason they were that happy.

From time to time I had to go to the hospital so they could draw some more blood. They told us, that even after he would get released we still needed to go to the hospital for at least once a month to go through check-ups and for more blood transfusions. They told us it would become a part of our lives, but we didn't mind. As long as it meant we could still be together, we didn't mind at all.

"So I'm here, like we promised!" Koutarou-san said.

"We were already worried you'd get lost on your way here." Yukito said.

"Whaaat?! I would never forget where this place is. It's very important to me after all."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am. I think…"

"I'm not convinced, you?" Yukito looked at me.

"Neither am I." I said.

"Eeeehhhhhh?!" Koutarou-san exclaimed and Yukito and I started laughing.

"Yukito, why won't you call me dad?" Koutarou-san asked him.

"Because Keiji is my dad. You're Koutarou."

"But, but… Keiji and I are together! Doesn't that count?"

"No, if you'd be a girl you could be my mom."

"Keeeiiijiiii…." Koutarou-san looked at me desperately.

"You heard him." I said with a smile. And then Yukito suddenly started hugging Koutarou-san out of nowhere.

"Y-Yukito?"

"Don't worry, I still love you." he said while hugging him.

"You can still change your mind and call me dad, okay?" Koutarou-san said and ruffled Yukito's hair.

"What's that around your neck?" Yukito pointed at a necklace around Koutarou-san's neck.

"This?" he took the necklace off his neck and showed it to Yukito.

"This is my promise with Keiji." he pointed at a ring hanging from the necklace.

"Ohhhhh!" Yukito exclaimed. I looked at my left hand's ring finger and at the ring Koutarou-san had put on me the day I showed them to him. I had never taken it off since then. When I started working at the orphanage I always saved some money from the pay checks so that I could buy rings for Koutarou-san and myself. He even started crying when I showed them to him and asked for a promise. I asked him if it'd be possible to stay together. We promised each other we'd always be together, for as long as we lived. I looked up again and faced Koutarou-san. He looked back at me and seemed like he wanted to say something.

"'Scuse me, can I sit next to you on the bench?" he asked with a grin. My heart started beating faster and my body was filled with warmth after hearing those exact same words once again, I was very, very happy.

"Sure!" I said with a big smile and he sat down next to me. He kissed me, took my hand and I grabbed it firmly.

"Why don't I have a ring too?" Yukito asked.

"You're right, we should buy you one too. To show everyone that we're a family!" Koutarou-san said proudly.

"Really?" Yukito's eyes started sparling.

"Really!" Koutarou-san answered.

"Yay! Thanks Koutarou! Thanks Keiji! I love you two!" Yukito grinned, he seemed to be happy.

"I love you too. Just as much as I love Keiji." Koutarou-san said while kissing me on the cheek.

"We're family, after all. Right?" I said with a bright smile and looked skywards. As the three of us started talking about what we could do next, the light of a new day, of a new story, was shining down on us.

 _~End~_


End file.
